Art Baum

Overview

Arthur (Art) Baum is a Harvard graduate (what a stud) with a double major in physics. His career is that of a sound technician for movies, one such production being "Do You Dream in Color?" He enjoys wearing kilts and Scottish dancing, along with Donald Moratz. Art has mastered more than 7 languages, and he is truly superior to Stephen Hawkings in terms of mental capability. For example, he discovered the secret to quantum encryption, but did not claim the discovery as his own, instead this discovery was credited to Charles Bennett, a famous cryptographer that is inferior to Art Baum. He also discovered how to build a Time Warp, and also how to dance to Time Warp... Art enjoys eating Pie, but he only likes American Pie. Art can solve a Rubik's cube in less than 4 seconds, and he completes Sudoku puzzles in his mind, he doesn't need to write anything down. Art lives in Charlotte, NC with 26 poodles and 13 cats. He is totally WINNING, DUH!!! Often, he requests his calculator to do problems so difficult that it gives the message: Math Error... even Derek's TI-nspire. That is how smart the great Art Baum is. He also encouraged his students to overcome their fear of bees and learn some patience, he did this by having TiPsters catch bees by the wings off of the flower bushes outside of Vail. Rocky was legendary; he was able to pick up two of them and make them sting each other. His favorite food is chicken parmesan, as indicated by his statement so wise that it required encryption. The encrypted message reads: GDR JRTG NRFK FG MFSK ST GDR IDSIORW PFYNRTFW, GDQBLD GDRSY GBYORZ HSWWRY ST WQG JFH RSGDRY. If you can decode this, then you have either been taught by the creator of the message how to decrypt it, or you have taken Spy 101 at East. Art was a 4-4-4 tipster at East, a status that was attained by very very few others. He has been the instructor of Cryptography, Codebreaking, and the Mathematics of Spying at Davidson for several years, and he is so devoted to TiP that he wrote an extremely comprehensive 98 page book on the class. It was, in a way, much more comprehensive than the textbook provided, and showed that Art posseses superior knowledge in many subjects, as he majored in physics, works as a sound technician, and can write a book on Cryptography. It was truly impressive how well put together the book was. (He should get it published, it would be a best-seller.) In 2011, during term 1, Art had the best group to ever share a classroom at any TiP campus. Unfortunately, it was struck with a lack of diversity, there was one girl, poor (or, depending on how you look at it, lucky) Sydney... In 2012, Art switched from Cryptography to Mathematical Problem Solving, taking the place of Trocki. He was an exceptional (*the best*) instructor as the MPS teacher too... what can't he teach!?!? Hopefully, he has showed all of his classes the ever famous mattress video, which he used to make an entire classroom laugh so hysterically and for so long that there were tears flowing off of the desks and, at last count, about 7 busted lungs. Art enjoys making references to Monty Python and the Holy Grail; there about 83 of them in the book previously mentioned.

Tradition

Art Baum is a very strong believer in tradition. For good reason. You cannot be an exceptional Duke TiP staff member unless your #1 concern is tradition, and Art is an exceptional staff member. As we walked in the door on the first day of class, instead of kicking off the class, he did his duty as a former TiPster and indoctrinated all Cryptography students to the official TiP songs. He showed the ignorant 1st years how to dance to these classics, and made sure that HIS class was the most knowledgeable group of TiPsters (of tradition) on campus. He strongly encouraged TiPsters to participate in cross-dress day, and told TiPsters about some of his many shenanigans as a TiPster. We greatly appreciate his service to us. Art was in attendance at an evening activity almost every single day, something absolutely unheard of from Duke TiP instuctors. His favorite activity was Scottish dancing, for which he would put on a kilt and dance his heart out, setting the example for all TiPsters to strive to be such an awesome dancer. He also greatly enjoyed Ultimate, when he would kick the poor, helpless first year's behinds... although Nico was a very good defensive match for him. (He might have been going just a little bit easy on us.) He was always in attendance at Quidditch, where he put on his imfamous yellow running shorts and yellow shirt and became the snitch. Since he ran cross-country for Harvard, it became a problem for the poor TiPsters, as games would never end. Julie became a legend when she caught the snitch, as it was the only time in recorded history that Art the snitch was actually caught by a Davidson TiPster. There is no other staff member that associates with TiPsters during the dances as much as Art. During every Davidson dance, Art becomes a TiPster again and lets loose his amazing dancing abilities. During the canonical songs, he is the overseer of all tradition. He makes sure that ignorant first years don't yell "DIE, DIE, DIE" during the wrong part of American Pie by a.) telling the tradition-educated students in his class to spread the word on "DIE, DIE, DIE" etiquette and b.) snarling the scariest, most forceful SHHHHHHHHHHH at any TiPster who fails to obey American Pie etiquette. If you make this mistake, and Art catches you... (let's just say you'll never make that mistake again). Art also serves as tradition police during Time Warp, when he shows TiPsters how to do the eccentric Time Warp dance from the second floor of the 900 room. He also forces TiPsters to get low (at gunpoint) during Blister in the Sun. Art is a boss. He is truly one of the best staff members of all time. Unfortunately, his job is made much harder by the fact that he is at Davidson. If he was at East, then people would already know the traditions and Art wouldn't have to worry about punishing first-years all the time for YELLING DIE, DIE, DIE AT THE WRONG TIME. He should come to East. He would be happy there. Again, Art is a boss.

Things to Know About Art

• Art can throw a disc 69 miles (83 with the wind behind him.)
• Art can out-run Harry Potter on a broomstick
• Art likes kilts
• Art likes it when you serenade him with canonical TiP songs
• Art's main goal in life is to create amazing 4-4-4 TiPsters (way to make unrealistic goals, if you know what I mean)
• Art enjoys spraying innocent children with super-soakers
• Art's favorite food is chicken parmesan
• Art can fluently speak 7 languages
• Art's wisdom rivals that of Buddah
• Art enjoys lying (Cathedrals is not a canon)
• Art does not like to slow dance closely with his partner... he prefers SPACE
• Art is WINNING, DUH!
• Art can't stand the word... MATTRESS
• Art owns the sexiest pair of goggles know to man; they are his prescription goggles, and he commonly uses them for quidditch and ultimate
• Art believes that Cathedrals should be a canon!!!
• Art has enough friends on facebook to be the 236th largest nation in the world (there are 242 nations not including Artland)
• Art often LOSES THE GAME