Doctor Doctor UGA

The tradition of Doctor Doctor was started in 2014 at Term 1 by Jared Sterling, which he passed on to Kat Eaton. 'Kat Eaton wrote the script of Doctor Doctor for Term 1 2015, and she did a wonderful job at it. She passed it down to Hadley for 2016. 'The script for it is as follows: Doctor Doctor script

K: Mommy, mommy, I have a pain! P: A pain? K: Yes, a pain. P: Where? K: Here. P: Here? K: No, here! P: Here? K: No, here! P: Here? K: No! Here! P: Oh, here! K: Yes, here! P: Okay, I'll call the doctor. (Ring ring) Doc: Hello? P: Doctor, doctor, my daughter has a pain! Doc: A pain? P: Yes, a pain. (Kid drops dead) Doc: Where? P: Here. Doc: Here? P: No, here! Doc: Here? P: No, here! Doc: Here? P: No! Here! Doc: Oh, here! P: Yes, here! Doc: Okay, I'll be right over. (Hangs up, drives to house, rings doorbell) P: Doctor, Doctor, come right in. (comes inside, examines kid) Doc: Ma'am, your daughter is dead. P: Dead as a doornail dead? Doc: Dead as a doornail dead. I'll call the mortician. (Ring ring) M: Mort's Mortuary, you kill 'em we chill 'em. Dir: CUT!!! Oh my god, that was AWFUL. You made me want to claw my own eyes out! What is wrong with you? Okay, we need something better. Something that seems innocent but really isn't. Something most of us have never seen before. I got it: Little Rascals style! Makeup! [Makeup runs on in pajamas and hits people with pillows, people switch, makeup goes off] Dir: Aaaaand action! Alfalfa: Froggy, Froggy, Butch and Woim beat me up! Froggy: They beat you up? A: Yeah, they beat me up! F: Where? A: Here! F: Here? A: Here! F: Here? A: No, here! F: Here? A: No, here! F: Here? A: NO. HERE! F: Oh, here! A: Yes, here! F: Otay, I’ll call Spanky. (pulls out a string can thing) Spanky, Alfalfa got beat up! Spanky: He got beat up? F: Yeah, he got beat up! S: Where? F: Here! S: Here? F: Here! S: Here? F: No, here! S: Here? F: No, here! S: Here? F: NO. HERE! S: Oh, here! F: Yes, here! S: Otay, I’ll be right over. (Spanky comes over and examines Alfalfa). Well Froggy, I think Alfalfa is dead. F: Dead as “I showed her my lizard” dead? S: Dead as “I showed her my lizard” dead. I’ll call the mortician. (ring ring) Waldo: Waldo’s Mortuary. We provide proper funeral services for the newly deceased. If you would like to make a purchase- Dir: CUT! Stop. Just stop. This is hideous. I hate all of you. Okay, let’s think about this. We need something more pop culture oriented. It needs to be kind of old, already ran its course, but something people keep bringing back. Honestly, those people should just… let it go. I know! FROZEN STYLE! Makeup! [Makeup] Dir: ACTION! Anna: Kristoff! Kristoff! Elsa froze me! Kristoff: What? Where? A: Here! (pointing at heart) K: Here? A: Here! K: Here? A: No, here! K: Here? A: No, here! K: Here? A: NO. HERE! K: Oh, here! A: Yes, here! K: Okay, I’ll call the trolls. (ring ring) [side note: trolls, switch up your lines] T: 1Heeeeey Kristoff! / 2Wasup, homie?/ 1You found a girl to marry yet? K: Guys, now is not the time! Elsa froze Anna! T: 2Where? K: Here! T: 1Here? K: Here! T: 2Here? K: No, here! T: 1Here? K: No, here! T: 2Here? K: NO. HERE! T: 1Oh, here! K: Yes, here! T: 1Okay, we’ll be right over! [trolls somersault over and examine Anna] /2 Aw man, she’s a hottie!/ 1Wait, is she moving? / 2Oh no… / 1Well Kristoff, Anna is dead. K: Deader than Disney’s original storyline dead? T: 2Deader than Disney’s original storyline dead. / 2I’ll call the mortician! (ring ring) Hans: Hans’ Mortuary! You freeze ‘em, we'll reject them in cold blood and lock them in a room to die! Dir: CUT CUT CUT!! I am so BORED with this CRAP. How hard IS this for y'all? You know what, we need something a little better. Something with more wit and intelligence, more top-one-percent-of-kids-in-America. Oh, I got it! TIP style. MAKEUP! [makeup] Dir: Aaaand ACTION! K: Roommate, I have a pain! P: A pain? K: Yes, a pain. P: Where? K: Here. P: Here? K: No, here! P: Here? K: No, here! P: Here? K: No! Here! P: Oh, here! K: Yes, here! P: Okay, I'll call an RC. (Ring ring) [kid with CARTER taped to his chest walks in and takes the phone] Carter: Not cell phone hours! (Walks off) P: … Okay I'll just yell. RC COME QUICK! RC: (RC runs up) Yeah? P: RC, my roommate has a pain! RC: A pain? P: Yes, a pain. (Kid drops dead) RC: Where? P: Here. RC: Here? P: No, here! RC: Here? P: No, here! RC: Here? P: No! Here! RC: Oh, here! P: Yes, here! RC: Okay, hold on. (Examines kid) Well TIPster, your roommate is dead. P: Dead as people being allowed in your room dead? Doc: Dead as people being allowed in your room dead. I'll call the mortician. (Ring ring) M: Why's your friend dead? 'CAUSE HE JUST GOT DUNKED ON! Dir: CUT! Oh. My. GOD. What even was that? You call that acting?? You know what, no. This style is great, but we need to do something a little darker. Something with a little more danger, more suspense, more... murderous rage. I know! Teen Isolation Program style! MAKEUP! [Makeup] Dir: ACTION! [a kid comes on dragging his roommate behind him] K: Dude, dude, I just killed my roommate! P: What? Why? K: He wanted my Nutella. P: So you have his body? K: Yeah! P: Where? K: Here. P: Here? K: Here! P: Here? K: No, here! P: Here? K: No! Here! P: Oh, here! K: Yes, here! P: Okay, hide him in my closet. [kid drags roommate into closet] P: HEY WARDEN! THERE'S A DEAD BODY IN MY CLOSET! [kid mouths WHAT THE HELL behind him as warden walks over] W: There's a dead body in your closet. P: Yeah [other kid runs away] W: Well, where is it? P: There! W: There? P: There! W: There. P: There- [warden interrupts him and gets right in his face] W: Where’s the body, Jay. P: There. [warden examines the body] W: This child is dead. P: Dead as shirts off dead? W: Dead as shirts off dead. I’m calling the cops. (ring ring) M: Mort’s Police Station. You stab ‘em we bag ‘em. Dir: CUT! Cut, cut, cut me in HALF because this is HORRIBLE. Okay, you know what? This next time, I want the skit perfect. I want it flawless. So you know what? This time, everyone act like ME. Because obviously, if you want something perfect, all you have to do is copy me. MAKEUP! [Makeup] Dir: Aaaaaand ACTION! (it should be noted that Cheyenne/Wren was a very sexual person, and by extension, this part was too. Connor, their relationTiP, had some fun pretending to be them.) Dead as gender roles dead? Dead as my parent’s love for me dead? Dir: CUT! Okay that's it. You're fired. You're fired. You, with the hair? You’re fired too. Everyone is fired. I'm fired! I'm firing myself! Nope, I can't deal! I'm so doneion rings with this! [continues shouting as they walk offstage in a rage] Everyone: ... Everyone: AND THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES! [everyone bows, director enters again and bows]

CAST LIST Director - Cheyenne/Wren First skit Kid - Bailee Parent - Chyna Doctor - Brooklyn Mortician - Ice Little Rascals skit Alfalfa - Crispy Froggy - Jay Spanky - Timmy Waldo - Andrew* Frozen skit Anna - Sydney B Kristoff - Rhys Trolls - Lorin, David Hans - Tenley TIP style skit Kid TIPster - Rhys Parent TIPster - Kiera Carter - Avery* RC - Sheila Mortician - Chyna Teen Isolation Program skit Corpse - John R Murderer TIPster - Jay Bystander TIPster - Sam S Warden - Sydney N Police person - Lorin Director style skit Kid - Bailee Parent - Connor Doctor - Brooklyn Mortician - Sydney N Makeup! Catherine*, Aja