Eugene The Carrot

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Not to be mixed up with Wenting Du, the baby carrot (small, ugly, living in the shadow of Eugene, baby carrot), Eugene the Carrot was a massive, six foot carrot whom Lauren Goldschmidt slept with all throughout Term 1, 2016, at Trinity University. Perhaps the most scandalous member of the Mayonnaise Cult, Eugene the Carrot was married to Lauren Goldschmidt and together they went everywhere.

Equal Rights For The Carrot

A massive disagreement occurred amongst the leadership at Trinity University as to whether they would allow a six foot carrot to attend a dance. They weren't sure whether they wished to allow a naked, one legged stuffed carrot to dance with his wife at the dances. However, after much controversy raised by the TiPsters demanding that stuffed carrots receive the same acceptance and rights as human beings, the RCs FINALLY agreed, but under a few conditions. 1. Lauren and Eugene were still to make room for Jesus (or, since Eugene had yet to reveal his religion: "make room for their RC"). No PDA was to be allowed between carrot and wife. 2. Eugene was not to be allowed to go in the nude. Lauren gladly agreed to the terms and dressed Eugene in a pair of leggings, a shiny blue shirt and an Ugg boot. That dance was to be recognized by all as a day to celebrate the equality of man and carrot alike.

The Divorce

It became clear to Eugene that Lauren was cheating on him. One of her many partners whilst still married to Eugene was Andreana[1] ( Andreana Faucette[2] ). Lauren's infidelities were clear as day, and eventually, Lauren decided to divorce Eugene and leave him for Isabella. While Isabella and Lauren eventually wifed, Eugene continued to sleep with Lauren, and they agreed to become Mayonnaise Buddies with benefits. The divorce was never approved by a judge, so Lauren was forced to take Eugene with her on her long, depressing journey home. His current whereabouts are unknown to the rest of the Mayonnaise Cultists, seeing as he has remained radio silent since the second we all parted ways.