Group poop
On this matter of highest esteem we as a group of men shall coalesce into something much greater. A band of brothers formed after the most sacred acts. Many times we find ourselves in self labeled groups, get these groups have no real bond, some refer to themselves as brothers but this is just a mirage. For a true bond to be formed we must engage in the sacred act of defecation as a group. This comes out in the form of group poop, This a necessity to form a true group and achieve the glorious camaraderie. The idea of group poop is conceptualized by many of our enlightenment thinkers. This age old act is a sacred ritual and we must make a call for action and defecate as a group. Yet we find ourselves restrained in a tyrannical system preventing the rights of a man and free will. we find ourselves unable to express this need. We are prevented from a most sacred act and we shall no longer be suppressed. For it is our rights as citizens to defecate when and with whom we please. This suppression of our rights is immoral and extraordinarily unethical. We as people and citizens reserve the right to this freedom which is being denied to us. We find this reprehensible and we shall not defecate in solitude any longer. My brothers and I shall rise from the dorm, rise from the classroom, even rise from the dining hall to exercise this god given right. We shall enter a new era of freedom and rights. As we all know that if we poop together we form a special unbreakable bond. Dare I ask why this administration and this group of RC's want to prevent us from making these bonds. Every night we are attacked and denied this right. They say "This is gross, This is nasty". My response to this loathsome comment is that preventing us from pooping as a group is nasty and gross. This inhumane denial of rights has gone too far and we can no longer sit idle and allow this sort of behavior to continue. we must look to our brother and ask a simple yet powerful question, "Brother would you like to join the group for a poop". When we are rebuked by an overstepping RC or TA or member of admin we shall simply say one thing "group poop group poop" and we shall commence in the beautiful art of defecation. It is not only unethical to restrict even our most basic rights but to decide how we use the bathroom is a complete atrocity. We shall no longer find ourselves in this situation. The time has come for us to realize the weight and seriousness of this situation. We need to realize or most basic rights and take advantage of them. The most basic of these rights is how and when we use the bathroom, yet we still find even these basic qualities of life being restricted. why do we not ask of these rules, "Why does this rule have any meaning?", Why does this hold any weight?". We are the enlightened yet we still find ourselves acquiescing to these outdated, over bearing rules, and for what reason. The threat of dismissal only carries weight if there is a demand to attend. I ask why do we attend when we can not even make the most basic choice. This rule preventing defecating as a group has gone on too long and it is time we start taking advantage of our freedoms, and start pooping as a group. You may ask, Why is there this need to poop in groups? The answer is actually quite simple. We as men need to form this special bond and there is no other way to achieve this outside of getting together and enjoying the most vulnerable moment together as men. To say you poop group is to say you truly know the man you see by your side everyday. What is greater than a bond as special as this? I say nothing is greater than the ability to say that you share this bond with a group of great people. We reserve this right and we shall exercise it.
Haec vocatio ad celeriter, et ait poop gratis fuerit glorificatus
Written By: George Wilkerson and Sunny Kim
Group Poop a manifesto
Group poop was started in Duke East Term 1 2019 by Ethan Loy, Josh Rubel, Christopher Winter (Skippy X), George Wilkerson, Sunny Kim, and Roome Becker. Group Poop was first held in the second floor women's bathroom in Pegram Hall.The founding members of Group Poop were also threatened with expulsion by the OSD of East during the term, but were never given a clear reason as to why. Maybe she just felt left out of the pooping as a group.
Note: Aside from the original founding members of Group Poop, do not edit this manifesto, or the edits will be deleted.