About Jordan

Jordan was the Forensic Anthropology instructor at Duke West during term 1 in 2016. He was best known for looking and acting like a small child, saying and doing a bunch of ridiculous things, and constantly butchering the english language. He was also the TA for Forensic Science during term 2.

Jordan Quotes

• “We’re gonna hurt some peeps”
• “Sorry for the sass, it’s Saturday morning.”
• “We can have a roast Jordan session later.”
• “In a couple of days we’re gonna DIG IN to forensic archaeology.”
• “*burps* bacon’s coming back to haunt me.”
• “Some people want to measure bones to death.”
• “Termperature”
• “My Chemical Romance? That’s like my favorite band!”
• “Yaasssssssssss!”
• “I don’t wanna lead you on.”
• “*creepily whispers* I believe in you.”
• “Okay, let’s not touch other people.”
• “The tongue bumps”
• “*imitating a police officer* Yo! Look! Here’s some blood!”
• “Take a deep breath.”
• “I have a solution to this problem! *hands out fruit snacks*”
• “Make sure you’re not allergic to any of the ingredients before you eat it! Common sense!”
• “I need to clean your calculator off, it’s kinda gross. (He bled on my calculator).”
• “*imitating a murderer who was burying a body* I was eating a cheeseburger while I did it.”
• “*jumps and points at himself on the screen* That guy back there in the red coat!”
• “We blow up cars with dead pigs inside.”
• “*about construction equipment*We should steal it!”
• “In the interest of transparency, these peeps have been sitting in my car since like easter.”
• “My mom still made me an easter basket.”
• “There are double negatives all over this code of ethics.”
• “Yeah! Dr. Death!”
• "What?! Sweets dies?!"
• “You’re gonna hate this guy. Prepare for it.”
• “Ba dum tssss”
• (it’s raining outside)”We should go outside for break!”
• “IS THERE?!?!?!”
• “What a great segway, thank you.”
• “The rain keeps falling in my cup.”
• “Underline the riducilousness of it, please.”
• “Yup. New dead people.”
• “Someone describe what they’re doing to me. Describe what they’re doing to the scene to me.”
• “Fun fact! That is one of my very good friends! This is Janelle!”
• “Leutgert the sausage maker!”
• “Live people feet!”
• “Is is Joey or Joseph?”
• (sarcastically)”Oh, yes, I would love a jelly bean.”
• “The grates are slippery. They’re like a slip n slide.”
• “My rain jacket smells strangely like laundry detergent and jet lighter fluid. I wore it to a plane crash scene.”
• “All this boy drama is ridiculous.”
• “Schweet!”
• “I’m not a very good officer, I’ve only been doing this job for like a week.” (*throws moldy orange, trips over crime scene, spills water*)
• “I’ll be back. Maybe in just a few hours. Maybe never.”
• “Chloe’s about ready to kill me.”
• (talking about giving our group two right scapulas instead of a right and a left) “This never happened.”
• *makes strange noises while trying to sneakily switch out bones*
• “We’re going straight from tomorrow.”
• “That’s gonna go down in something.”
• “Oops, you messed up. *kicks leg* Boomp, out the door!”
• *drops measuring tape. tries to pick it up. trips over it."
• "This is a really disgusting measuring tape and I don't wanna know what happened."
• “Yasss! Frozen!”
• “This is Demi Lovato. This isn’t even that good.”
• “This is because Demi Lovato could never out sing Idina Menzel”
• “Toy story isn’t essential to the completion of this project.”
• “That kid wears the same hoodie everyday.”
• “If you don’t know what it means, then I probably won’t know what it means.”
• “only at nerd camp does someone say play orchestra music”
• *door opens* “That scared me."
• *hits self with table* "Ow. Pretend you didn't see that."
• The gavel is this eraser because we don't want you to break anything, and we don't have a wooden gavel."
• "We can get you a humerus if you wanna bang a humerus. Or a femur."
• "Who's Jordan?" - Officer Tibia Goodman
• "The judge gave it to me, I don't know."
• *talking about a gun that was possibly a murder weapon* "I lost it."
• *still talking about the gun* "What firearm?"
• "I have a really bad memory."
• *coughs awkwardly*
• "What's evidence number 16?"
• "As far as I know I didn't disturb anything, but I've only been on the force for a week so I don't know what that means."
• "Are you offended by something?" (Jordan's attempts to console a crying fourth year)
• "She had a lovely collection of jump ropes. Like, the biggest collection of jump ropes I had ever seen. Oh, and there was a gun."
• "We arrested her on suspicion? *pause* And then we searched her house."
• *talking about jump ropes that were possibly murder weapons* "They were very colorful. That's all I remember."
• "Ya'll are gonna get me in trouble."
• "Don't white out evidence!"
• "Stop writing on people!"
• "She's gonna slay it!"
• "Save the trees, save the world!"
• *Meghan offers Jordan four jars filled with various types of sugar and nerds (the candy)* "Yes, I'll take them. I think they're funny."
• "Yeah, I had the jesus bat."
• *talking about a video of him singing* "You asked for this. Thanks for the torture."
• "When did we ever use calipers? *pauses* *shakes head* Oh yeah! I'm sorry."
• "Do we have a Sage?"
• "I'm fine. I'm just walking backwards down stairs."
• "Did Wilson just call himself a rebel? Rebel Wilson! Aaaahhhh!"
• *all of the forensic anthro kids are carrying boxes filled with plastic bones* "You're carrying so much dead weight! Ba dum tssss."
• "I need to go back to my room and fall asleep."
• "On the internets?"
• "It's Thursday of week three. English is hard."
• "If they had a survey option for mastery of English, I would fail."
• "There shouldn't be any talking at the moment, just a lot of reflecting."
• "You took me for all the awkwardness that I was."
• "Are you ready kids?"
• "I love the sound of construction in the morning."
• "If I hear that song one more time I'm sending you to Crystal's office."
• "No it's not relevant, I can see the grin."
• (in a creepy whisper)"Hint hint, you don't want random people at your crime scene, hint hint."
• (about a drawing of a birthday cake)"I don't need the comments and the disrespect."
• "You can come closer, I don't bite that I know of."

Fun Facts

• Meghan is his mom
• He is emo trash
• He's a theatre nerd
• He can't really dance, but is strangely good at doing the wobble.
• He occasionally snorts when he laughs
• He was once spotted wearing a really ugly bro tank
• Sometimes he has the facial expressions of a kitten
• His alter ego is Officer Tibia Goodman
• He can actually sing pretty well
• His toes look kinda long
• Once drew a bird and two "ghosts" in his notes
• Is 22 years old and still gets Easter baskets from his mom
• Frequently lies about attending social events
• After hitting a kid with a tissue box, he did his ten push-ups for "missing his target". He then proceeded to miss the trash can with a tissue, this time neglecting his push-up duties due to his inability to do any more.
• Only brought three pairs of shoes to tip
• Could possibly be a werewolf
• Had a green lanyard dedicated to him in a fourth year will
• Looks like a twelve year-old

Pictures

• A Polaroid picture taken of Jordan. He didn't realize that the picture was being taken until after it had already been taken.

• A strangely accurate drawing of Jordan from a game of pictionary.

• Jordan with his class from term 2

Real Talk

In all seriousness, Jordan was an amazing instructor, and an amazing human being. I'm trying not to make this sound like an obituary and it's really damn hard.

• Update: I can't make this sound like anything other than an obituary, so instead here are some things that the class has to say.

• Jordan- It's been a great term. Although you managed to butcher the English language time and time again, you are still the best instructor we have ever and will ever have. Thank you. - Riley
• Jordan - You are actually the best instructor I have ever had. I have never loved a class more than forensic anth, and for that I want to thank you. - Chloe

• Another Update: no one actually sent things to include in this section, pretty much my only other plan has failed.

Important Message

to the person who is updating this page: i love you