Redacted Wills Rice 2019
Due to a printing error, two wills got left out of the term book for Rice term one. These are those wills.
I, Kylie McHargue, being of anxious mind and tired body hereby bequeath the following to these people:
To Yasmin Boulter I leave tea and crumpets, the immortality of Queen Elizabeth, the soul of Princess Diana, colonization, the entire subcontinent of India, my appendix, and the big [redacted] shoe you were headshotted by.
To Anna Gaygo I leave Gaygo, Twitter memes at 3 AM, the identity of Babey, and some actual [redacted] water
To Sophie Rush I leave some [redacted] sleep
To Katherine Anderson I leave full custody of the brain cell
To Nicole Arwood I leave extreme lethality
To Skylar Houser I leave ballet kicks and the one stolen inch
To Sydney Hodge I leave happiness and dapper-ness
To Brianna McVay I leave a bruh moment, Annie’s Organic Cheddar Bunnies, and Awkward SVU moments
To Alex Howard-Tijerina I leave a big box of snacks, a chess set, and “best use of props”
To Ezra Barron I leave hugs, black boots, doc martens, and lots of love
To Jordan Hsieh I leave a cup of lucky charms
To Leila Shawrieh I leave the entire city of San Antonio, and the whole Fiesta Parade
To Minji Kim I leave aggression during RC meetings
To Sabrina Zheng I leave messing up class names, and Instagram posts
To Allicen White I leave weird stares at morning meds and one single banana
To Emma Davolt I leave a tall, cold, glass of Spilk
To Lucianne Williams I leave love, the Vacuum of Space, and the Planet Mars
To Dr. A I leave ambition and a good job
To Ms. Katy I leave happiness and a clean Earth
To Adelle I leave feeding the squirrels
To Anika S. I leave the number 5
To Roma I leave Debate tournaments and a single spoon
To Josh I leave being a 10 on the happiness scale
To Carly I leave Legolas, and the feud between Marching Band and Orchestra
To Ezekiel I leave hot water and biscuit cups
To Jules I leave patience
To Christine I leave John Snow
To Lilly K I leave untied shoes
To Wade I leave being an old man
To Willis I leave some brotherly patience
To Lily J I leave Buc-ees
To Anika B. I leave the spirit of debate
To Rhys I leave a “Well, Actually”
To Auggie I leave shading the Carolinas
To Jaz I leave Hammock Swinging
To Abby Folz I leave happiness, jewishness, and being a 5 star roommate
To Lindsey Salomone I leave peace of mind, when your suite mates leave the light on, and opera singing
To Alexa Cappotelli I leave up and coming frisco, Salsa and Sugar Highs
To Lauren Bennett I leave good health, ritalit, and all the spoons you can have
To Chandler Gartner I leave card games, clandestine pancakes and your 20 year old doppelgänger
To Sophia Hanani I leave the game of Gin, all of my “chain bracelets”, the entire state of Mississippi, and Awkward Walmart Encounters
To Anaija I leave RC group meetings, Mississippi Vegans and first experiences
To Larissa I leave Princess Peach, “Drop it like it’s hot”, and me falling asleep
To Mo I leave the entity that is Jenna Marbles, and bad countoffs
All my love!
Ezra Barron I, Ezra Barron, being of over caffeinated mind and [REDACTED] body, hereby bequeath to the following people.
To Mukul: a soft g and a power move of geopolitical proportions.
To Chris: a nuclear warhead and a sense of rationality.
To Charlie: trans rights!!!!
To Minji: I’m sorry for running into you a million times!!
To Clare: a dress with pockets, abolishing the electoral college, and cute shorts from Target.
To Emma: Queen! You are the best honorary roommate. I leave you all of the TikTok dances, e-girl makeup, and TIPsync choreography.
To Adam and Samuel: all of the e-girl makeup and thot knots.
To Sydney: the status of official cryptid of Alabama.
To Yasmin: you’re now my father. I also leave you a finger painting masterpiece, colonization and, the Thames River.
To Lexi: infinite Swiss Rolls and best use of props.
To Leila: all friendship bracelets and peace in TIPgaea. Thanks for keeping class as peaceful as possible. I loved all of your designs and especially your pink mountains. Your high waisted shorts kept me going and I love your jewelry collection.
To Lucianne: I leave illicit beverages, some Caesar salad, all the hot takes, a third eye, a higher Rice purity score, the father, son, and holy Jost. My dear, might I compare thee to a summer’s day? YOU HOT!!!! You’re gorgeous and your fashion sense is unrivaled.
To Knox: the last word, the ability to compliment a woman, the political fortitude and career of John McCain, a hotdog with cheese, dancing skills and dignity, a prayer to Jod, and all of the traditional songs.
To Kylie: a girlfriend, all of my love, a strap, some stompy lesbian boots, an applesauce bowl, a Hawaiian shirt, a hug from the US Women’s Soccer team, and the knowledge that Brie Larson can hip thrust 400 pounds. I hope to know you for the rest of my life and I love every single thing about you.
To Sophie: some sleep and an epic thrift store haul.
To Jordan: the knowledge that you had the brain cell the entire term.
To Nicole and Skylar: an epic recitation of the Shrek script and a room in the Hotel California.
To Brianna: an epic Victory Royale, a massive pin collection, and a bruh moment.
To Anna: to remember her lanyard, an insta-worthy museum, some self confidence, toilet sushi, hard noah’s, some mango pods, my wig, and a brain cell. I love you so much and I can’t wait to annoy you for the rest of my life.
To my RC group: I love you so much, we stuck together through thicc and thin, through my terrible choreography and rescinded fourth year privileges. I can’t believe I got to spend these three weeks of gayness, nerdiness, and communism with y’all. yee-HAW!!!!
I loved my fourth and final year at TIP. I loved everyone I met and interacted with. Give me some clout: instagram @sk8linb and snap @spacey.cait
Thanks guys, it’s been real. Be gay, do crime.