Rock Cult Rhapsody

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"Rock Cult Rhapsody" is a parody made by TIPsters Brian "Brian Klong" Kling and Teddy Jones for the Dictators, Kings, and CEOs class at Duke East Term II in 2019. Recorded on July 26, 2019, the song was presented the same day to the class, to universal acclaim. The song is a parody of Queen's famous "Bohemian Rhapsody."


The song is sung from the perspective of Elagabalus, who was the Emperor of Rome from 218 to 222. Elagabalus committed many infamous actions, including the formation of a rock cult, as well as


The italicized lyrics are those of "Rock Cult Rhapsody." "Bohemian Rhapsody" written by Freddie Mercury; words of "Rock Cult Rhapsody" written by Brian Kling and Teddy Jones.

Is this the real life? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, I am the emperor, No escape from reality. Everybody looks up to meeeee.

Open your eyes, Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, Look up to the skies and see, I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, It's a falling rock, it looks holy to me Because I'm easy come, easy go, Because I’m finna start, a cult Little high, little low, Holy roman, Rock Cult Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me. Meteors or Deities, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Mama, just killed a man, Foreskin, just cut it off. Put a gun against his head, Put a knife against my peen Pulled my trigger, now he's dead. All the senators have seen. Mama, life had just begun, A Golden, Age had just begun. But now I've gone and thrown it all away. But now I’m gonna throw it all away.

Mama, ooh, Romans, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry, Didn’t want to make you cry, If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, But it's been fated i’m supposed to die Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters. When I’m gone, When I’m gone, off my suicidal tower

Too late, my time has come, Heracles, my lover boy. Sends shivers down my spine, I love Charioteering men Body's aching all the time. I want them and only them. Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go, Come on, Heracles, come punish me Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. You know I’ve been a very naught boy.

Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows), Romans, ooh (I’m a rock star drag queen) I don't wanna die, I’m sexually confused I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. I sometimes wish that I’d been born a woman

I see a little silhouetto of a man, I see a need for imperial hoes Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Prostitutes, prostitutes, will you join my army Thunderbolt and lightning, BDSM n Brothels Very, very frightening me. I’ve replaced the Consules, ME. (Galileo) Galileo. (Elagaba) Elagaba (Galileo) Galileo, (Elagaba) Elagaba Galileo Figaro Elagaba rules them all Magnifico-o-o-o-o. My tower’s ta-a-a-all

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me. I replace the cabinet, with my best buddies. He's just a poor boy from a poor family, I name a stripper, in charge of the army Spare him his life from this monstrosity. The barber is in charge of the grainery

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Easy come, easy go, my time is ‘bout to go. Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!) Elegaba! your guards will take your soul. (not his soul) Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!) Elegaba! your guards will take your soul. (not his soul) Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!) Elegaba! your guards will take your soul. (not his soul) Will not let you go. (Let me go!) Guards will take your soul (NOT HIS SOULLL) Never let you go (Never, never, never, never let me go) Will take your soul (Will take, Will take, Will take, Will take your soul) Oh oh oh oh Ol Sol Sol Sol No, no, no, no, no, no, no Sol Sol Sol Sol Sol Sol Sol Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)

Oh, Elegaba, Elegaba, (Elegaba lost his soul)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me. The Guards have ended this controversy, for me, for me.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can ice me and ruin my triumph? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? So you think you can throw me into the Tiber? Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby, Oh, Roman, can’t do this to me romans. Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here. Hercules get me out, hercules get me out to my tower.

(Ooooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah) Ooooh, ooh yeah, ooh, yeah

Nothing really matters, ROcks really matter, Anyone can see, All the romans see. Nothing really matters, Rocks really matter Nothing really matters to me. Holy rocks will matter, to me

Any way the wind blows. Welcome to the 3rd century.


TBD - link will be posted soon