Shrek

the events of 11/2/14

I was staying up late watching Shrek 2, one of the greatest religious artifacts the world has ever known, when suddenly, I heard a strange tapping noise that seemed to come from my window. I ignored it, thinking that it was a sound from the movie, despite the fact that I have watched it every Sunday since I was 8 and have never noticed a tapping sound during this part. After a more few minutes, the window slowly opened. Afraid that an intruder was invading my home, I hid under the covers. I slowly lifted my head up. To my amazement, Shrek himself was sitting on my bed. "So, I heard you're a fan of my movies," He said smoothly. I laid in bed, too shocked to speak. My God had come from the heavens to save a mere mortal from the eternal torture that is a life without Shrek. Finally, I purred, "You know it, big boy." Shrek leaned in to kiss me, His lips like two perfectly formed lip-shaped onions. The kiss lasted for almost three and a half minutes, and was only ended when my stepfather walked in to my room. "What the {this word has been deleted to conform with Duke TiP policies regarding foul language}?" he exclaimed. "Let's go," Shrek whispered as he grabbed my hand with his powerful ogre grip, and flew me to Neverland.