ATTENTION. AS OF JANUARY 27, 2012 STEVE WAZNY IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. HE'S TAKEN LADIES SO BACK OFF.
^LOL ****** PLS HE'S MARRIED TO ME -Grace aka Princess Hutcherson.
Starfleet Commander Wazny, Shah Wazny, Mr. Wazny, Dr. Wazny (not preferable as this is his father), or Wonderful Wizard of Waz"
Steve Wazny, Steve Waznya, Big Papi, or Big Papi Steve, was the greatest bamf that ever lived. Not much is known about Steve's TiP past other than the fact that he attended East Term II. Another interesting fact is that he lost the llama, and he wasn't even the llama mama. jerk. As the story goes, Kyle, the llama mama at the time entrusted the llama temporarily to Steve. Steve then one day left in the classroom during break. What a schmuck. He came back to find the llama gone. Steve was also on the original Lazer Dragons and still has his jersey from the time. Freaking. Disgusting. Steve Michael Wazny then came back to TiP, Duke East 2011 as an RC. For Term I he had the most amazing kids ever. In his RAG was the Holy Trifecta, Chris Drawdy, Jack Warman, and Andrew Lee. These kids did many pushups as punishment for their non-TIPropriate actions and made his life during the term pure hell. You're welcome. Steve Wazny is also a laxbro and is part of the Major International League of Frisbee and the Major International Lacrosse Federation. Steve was prone to leaving his phone around like a total loser. Everytime he picked up his phone it would always have some sort of sexy picture of a Trifecta member as its wallpaper. Steve's mother, Momo Wozny, is also a bamf. Steve is also known for his favorite word "fork." He used this word extensively during the Staff vs. Student ultimate game. Steve also skypes with his mother through out the term. If you're in his RAG be sure to ask him about Momo Wozny. And ask him what it means to "pay child support." Also, he occasionally excretes mystery liquid onto the back of his shorts in the morning. Steve also won't friend me on facebook. What a queef. Nevermind. He friended me. Steve is no longer a jerk.
Steve Wazny: An Erotic Life
During his trip to Thailand, Steve decided to keep record of all his sexual triumphs (through his trusted sidekick Andrew Lee, ranging from tribal women from the Congo to ballet dancers in Prague.
The Mysterious Woman in Africa
At the age of 18, Steve Wazny decided to take a trip to the uncharted parts of Africa. Steve at the time was pretty bro-tacular. He was currently operating under the Mission Intelligence Lazer Federation, under the code name "Mom". Steve stayed about a total of 4 months in Africa. There he met many indigenous creatures and the people who lived there. One night, Steve awoke to a startling noise. He immediately grabbed for his weapon, but it was gone. The only thing he could see in his room was a tall, long-legged, goddess of a woman. He quickly jumped out of bed and worked his Steve-kwondo and forced the mysterious woman into a submission hold. Steve forcefully asked who the woman was. She only replied with "Anastasia". Steve kept on pressing. Anastasia was actually part of a branch of Russian military intelligence, closely related to the KGB, called the Military Inter-agency League Force. Finally Steve found out why Anastasia was in Africa. She was looking for a hidden weapon, one that is rumored to be able to destroy galaxies, in the nearby ruins. Steve was shocked. He thought the United States was the only country to know of this. Steve let Anastasia go. Before he let her leave, he took a long glimpse into her eyes. He immediately became lost in her beauty. Quickly, she turned and ran away into the night. Steve couldn't go to sleep. All the could think about was Anastasia's numbing glance. Steve reluctantly decided that he would go against Mission Intelligence Lazer Federation orders and help Anastasia find the weapon before the Americans did. Steve slept. He woke up in the morning to a beeping noise. Steve ran and lept through the window, leaving behind a house that just blew up into a million pieces. Steve assumed that it was Anastasia, but Steve knew what happens when you assume things. He looked down to see a trail of footsteps nearby. He followed them. He found a small shack. He looked through his binoculars and could see Anastasia sleeping in her cot. Steve used his extensive espionage training and snuck into the shack. He pulled his glock out like a thug and pointed it to her forehead. Anastasia awoke, startled. Steve yelled and inquired as to why someone was trying to kill him. She told him she had no idea and that she had actually left the Military Inter-agency League Force the night before. Steve was puzzled. "Why?" he asked. Anastasia admitted that Steve was the sexiest man she had ever met. Steve lowered his glock and embraced Anastasia. They kissed and spent the night together in pure bliss. When they awoke, they both promised each other that they would give up their life styles and lead a normal one in Europe. And so, they ran away together, living a short lived paradise in Europe. The Major Inter-agency League Force found Anastasia while she was sleeping in their apartment. Steve was out working his grocery bagging job. When he came back he found her covered in gold, lifeless. Steve vowed vengeance and ran away. Steve was not heard of again until the year after.
Dancing with Love
Steve went into hiding in Prague after the unfortunate happenings of Anastasia. Steve was planning diligently. He had stored a weapons cache, dossiers on top military leaders, and a pool of currency. Finally, he finished his grand scheme. Steve went out that night to celebrate his own tiny victory. He went to the New Prague Dance Company to see their contemporary rendition of the Swan Lake ballet. Steve was awe-struck. The magnificence of the dancers, the elegance of their movements put Steve into a trance. But those weren't the main reasons Steve was shocked. There, on the stage, was the most beautiful woman he has ever met eyes on. Even more beautiful than Anastasia. She played the part of the Swan Queen. She showed such beauty and wonder in every step she took on stage. The show was over, but Steve had to meet this girl. As soon as the show ended the curtains closed but Steve was trained to see far. He observed the shadows under the curtains and saw where she was heading. He immediately got up and ran towards the main lobby. He stole a bouquet of roses and headed backstage. He looked and looked for her but wasted his time. Finally, he ran past a door with a star on it. The name "Irene" was engraved into it. Steve knocked on the door, reluctantly. His palms were sweaty. Seconds, and the minutes passed. No one answered. Steve was disappointed. He had missed her. Right as Steve was about to walk away, a large crash sound emitted from her room. Steve pulled back and kicked the door down. Irene was struggling. Two men had entered into her room previously and were attempting to take advantage of her. Steve used his extensive knowledge of Muay Thai and Krav Maga to completely obliterate the thugs. Steve picked up Irene in his sculpted arms. "Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm just fine. You came just in time..." She was out of breath, but Steve was mesmerized by her lips, releasing the most eloquent voice he had ever heard. Steve immediately grabbed the bouquet of roses and gave them to her. "Your name?" she asked. "Wazny. Steve Wazny." he replied. She giggled and kiss him on the cheek and left him a number. She left. Steve's heart was pounding. He didn't know what to do. He went back to his apartment, paced endlessly around his room. Finally he called the number. She picked up and they made plans. They went to an Italian restaurant together. After dinner they went back to her studio apartment. It was littered, yet looked so clean. Immediately, after a glass of wine, they hopped into bed. Steve grasped her as they both shared the night. Cries of ecstasy and joy escaped from both of their lips as they spent the night. Steve had forgotten all about Anastasia and decided to spend the rest of life with Irene. The next three years of his life were filled with joy.
Escapades with Jackie Kennedy
Steve was living a peaceful life. Irene, the love of his life changed her name to Kat, in order to better hide her identity. They moved to the states and Steve went back to school with Kat. Now that his hectic life was finally at a halt, Steve decided this would be the best time to visit a place he once called home, Duke TiP East Campus. Anxious about his return, Steve started to become nervous on the plane ride there. However, once he took his first step on that glorious dorm quad, the memories flooded back. The first week passed gleefully. Steve relived his glory days as a tipster and he even had a group of kids (The Queef crew) that absolutely loved him with all of their hearts. However, one day, Steve received a picture message. Steve was thrown back. Who could have possibly known such sensitive information!? Steve threw his phone against the wall. This is when the camera slowly pans out from his camera while the phone flashes "I know your mom's name." (COMMERCIAL BREAK). Steve sat in the corner of Bassett commons. There was only one person that knew this information, but he was dead, or so Steve thought. His name... was Jackie Kennedy. Steve was running scenarios through his head. Who could it have been? Finally, Steve came to the depressing and shocking conclusion... it could only be Andrew Lee. Steve confronted Andrew, who was later revealed to be the reincarnation of Jackie Kennedy and they had a earth shattering battle. Discs were thrown, discs were taco'd, Momo's were Wozny'd, and ankles were shattered. Finally, Steve stood victorious. Andrew pleaded for his life and Steve spared him. Andrew became Steve's sidekick (sort of random I guess) under the guise of "Jackie Kennedy".
Love on the Slightly Smaller than Average Mountain
(Coauthor: Michelle Hill) The year was 1969. Steve was given a time machine by his best friend Jack Warman. Steve was being sent on a dangerous mission, one that would determine the fate of the universe. Steve was hired by his sister agency, Badass Booby-licious Women (BBW). Steve was not informed about what the mission revolved around, other than the fact that it was the most important mission anyone has ever been sent on. Steve dressed appropriately for '69, pretty much a suit and nice hat. Steve jumped into the vortex of time. However, Steve was mistaken on the date. He was actually sent 1769. He landed in a barn and was knocked unconscious. Steve woke up with a beautiful young lady next to him. Steve tried getting up but he could not. Steve's whole body was wrapped in bandages and needed healing. "What happened to me?" he said sexily. The young girl was shocked that Steve had recovered so quickly. She hesitated and attempted to make a sentence. "Well.. uh. You. Barn. Fall." Steve laughed. It's been so long since I've had this effect on a girl. "what's your name?" he asked. "Uh uh. Michelle." Steve was still curious as to his surroundings. "And where am I?" Michelle replied "You're on my slightly smaller than average mountain. Michelle's slightly smaller than average mountain." Steve tried saying something else but before he could, he blacked out. Steve awoke again in the night. Michelle was still next to him, caring for and tending his wounds. The night went on and Steve and Michelle became acquainted more with each other. Steve was starting to feel young again. The last time he felt this feeling was with Kat. Along with feeling young emotionally, his body started to heal in a way that made him look 20 again. Michelle too started to feel this way. AS the conversations went on, she started to blush more, touch Steve more and think of him more. Finally, Steve was fully healed. Before Steve could thank Michelle, a gang of men on horses burst into the cabin. They kidnapped Michelle. Steve knew what to do. He scavenged what he could around the cabin and found his dufflebag full of modern day weapons. Steve rode on his horse, Gabe, and rode for the train that the men jumped on. Steve grabbed a seat in the back and waited patiently in the back. Suddenly, Steve unleashed his beastly fury. He pulled out his weapons and train cart by train cart annihilated every crook on the train. Once Steve had run out of ammo, he pulled out two amazingly badass samurai swords. He sliced his way through to Michelle. "Thank you Steve!" exclaimed Michelle. Michelle gave Steve a magical hat, imbued with the powers of the all mighty sun-god, Terricia. "How did you get such a hat?!" asked Steve. Michelle explained her true background. Michelle was raised a mad hatter. Weird. Steve and Michelle rode off on Gabe into the sunset. They proceeded to make hot cupcakes in an oven conveniently situated in a river nearby.
Things to know about Steve Wazny
- Steve's nickname (secretly given to him by a anonymous second year) is Spiderman or Peter Parker. It has been confirmed that he knows of his secret nicknames.
- Steve likes it when people lick his elbows
- Steve enjoys a thorough wiping of his butt crevice
- Steve takes his ultimate very seriously. Be sure to taco his disk every time you get it
- Steve likes it when you talk about Momo Wozny
- Steve does not like going to jail
- Steve is very cute. Very very cute.
- Steve likes it when you're naked during the door checks. Be sure to flash yourself all across the hall.
- Steve likes it when you fart near him
- Steve means a lot to Andrew Lee. So much that Andrew Lee used his one and only fire while playing roshambo against Steve.
- Steve is also part of the Church of the Seventh-day Adventist. He doesn't partake in any sinful actions in fear that the end of the world will happen any second. just kidding. CJ is a liar.
- Steve also makes loud panting and grunting noises during his free time in his room. If you ask, he's just "doing P90X." Sure, okay Steve.
- During Duke East Term I 2011, members of the Holy Trifecta were able to find out Steve's phone number. When you get a random call in 5 years, it's probably us.
- Steve owns the internet. Wikipedia even said so.
- Steve is extremely rich and loaded... maybe? According to Mallory Harris at least. There is a "Steve is rich meme." http://memegenerator.net/Steve-Is-Rich
Steve Wazny; Dreamy McDreamy
Steve first was in the line of duty as an RC Duke East Term 1 2011. Throughout the term, the majority of the "female kind" could not resist the hunk of sexy that was Steve Wazny. He'd be walking to dinner with his amazing RAG and girls would be fainting one by one. Unfortunately, Steve is still not aware of his hidden potential. All of the asian girls were madly in love with Steve, procuring such remarks as " 너무잘생겼어ㅓㅓㅓㅓㅓ ♥ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ." HE IS EXTREMELY HOT.(:
- BE ADVISED: SOME FORM OF PROTECTIVE EYE WEAR IS RECOMMENDED BEFORE STARING DIRECTLY AT THE STEVE WAZNY. NOT DOING SO MAY RESULT IN EYE BALLS MELTING OUT OF SOCKETS DUE TO SEXY OVERLOAD.