(an essay by jane.) ---

thursday.

the last supper (without tears).

the royal maundry to the fourth years.

the final dance.

the last glorious moments.

the beginning of the end.

tears.

the day

you wake up.

you're a second/third/fourth year.

if you're like me, you start taking pictures, making recordings.

even if you'll be back eventually, it won't be the exact way you're seeing it in the moment ever again.

you don't want to forget.

...

...

you wouldn't dare.

no one would.

ever.

the time comes for class. you plan out your festivities for friday, you learn your final bits and pieces, you present your works for the world to see ('cause you don't think that they'd understand), and then it hits you. this is the last evening study that you will ever have for this class ever ever ever. a tear enters your eye.

you eat lunch. maybe you try something you haven't had all term, or just pick an old favorite of yours (i.e. probably pizza). then you realize that this is the last lunch of the term. it might not feel huge, but really, it is.

you finish your third-to-last session of class. it's almost over.

you visit the store. maybe you buy a cheerwine to remind you of davidson.

you've come a long way.

then evening studies.

it's the final one for this class, maybe for the rest of your life, if you don't know if you're coming back.

you discuss the very last plans, the end, the last presentation, the last ovation, the last goodbye.

you hope to return.

it is your home, after all.

then comes the dance.

tipprom.

you can feel the energy flow from person to person, sense the passion, the camaraderie. you sense it because you recognize it as that strange feeling within your heart.

the dance goes on, and the sun begins to set. the tradition songs are about to play.

the couples all dance to iris, and everyone else forms circles.

"when everything's meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am."

it hits home every time. though it's just another alt rock song, there's just something special about it that somehow still brings tears time after time. the world is falling apart, after all.