TiP West Term 1 Fourth Year Wills 2016
Amber A's RAG
I, Julia Lasater, of 5'3" body and strong mind, leave:-Cameron -- a permanent room in my house, big spender, a roller rink, her first sister -Esther -- birds, pickup lines that are actually good, hops, my food -nick Ricebowl -- blueprints, breakfast sandwiches -Abhi -- energy in the morning, gold hair -Maddy van -- tator tots, tickets to ACL -Claire k -- my 7th wheel, coordination -Claire Xiao -- freedom from Roman -Cathy -- sticky notes -cannoncannon11 -- green eggs and ham -duke tip west -- good food -Chloe -- more Panic! Merchandise -Nicolás and Creston -- FAM -wake forest -- unmarked trees -engineering class -- cardboard, good food -biology of cancer class -- a zoo -forensic science class -- maggots -A&P -- a herd of camels -Luke -- patience and silence
I, Lulu, of goddess-like mind and amazonian body leave Lilly- my father's trail mix, Kenna- gentle licks on the calf, Sarah- sugar scrub, Sarah Mihm- chapstick and licks of the upper lip, Riley- catfish, Maud- Spongebob, Noelle- stripper bunny and biscuits, Sam Delmefish- fish, Taylor- Jar Jar Binks hatred, Coleman- a few inches, NipSam- duct tape, Aly- tiers/tears, Cape- my necklace, Germy- my way with the ladies, Jackson- high fives, Wyatt- puberty, Liz- hugs, Eric- my thirst for everyone, Margaux- my body, Baby Sarah- my reading skills, Cecilia- eye rolls across class, Amber- fatherhood, Felicia- my facial expressions, Lamon- tangelos, Coles- waves, Roman- crossdressing, 4th year RAG- crutches, Forensic Science- tiny flashlights, Neuroscience- grass cult, Primate Biology- pelvises, and finally, Annabell- my heart and soul.
I, Anna McMillian, of unsound mind and body hereby give the Duke dads an unlimited amount of dad jokes. To Kiersten I leave the manly chicken leg and to Lauren I leave the human bean. To Madison I leave 1,000 rompers for any occasion and to Katie I leave 1,000 selfies for her future PowerPoints. To Chloe I leave a closet of Mountain Dew. To all the third years I leave my orange lanyard and all of the fun future memories of TIP.
I, Chloe Parsons, of pathetically weak body and Super Ultra Mega GayTM mind, hereby bequeath the following: To Wilson, my left shoe, and my calculator covered in Jordan's blood; To Wilson and Usman, "Chlow"; To Maddie, Wilson, and Erin, the brick mating house of Jimville; To Margaux and Eric, room GG315; To Rachel and Hattie, pride flag burrito dances; To Charlotte, vengeance for her eraser; To Thomas, an oil painting of Roman in booty shorts; To my wonderful wife Nisha, our wonderful cat children (Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Prime), more lids than the dining hall has, and joebama fanfiction; To Sam, breast implants; To Lauren, unsweet tea; To Coleman, a brain; To Catherine, the suburban middle aged dad aesthetic; To Kierstin, purple lipstick; To Forensic Anth, an endless supply of dum dums; And lastly, to Jordan, a green lanyard, and fresh peeps.
I, Kenna Ebert, of prairie mind and athletic body do bequeath the following: Lilly, raisins; Lulu: apple chips, my legs; Maud: metal music, step dancing; Rylee: burnt nylon memes; Cecilia: dinner time; Sarah: Aliens; Aly: limbo, a single tear; Coleman: Capitalism; Jackson H: the search for a new Jesus; Wyatt: Jesus' wisdom; Maya: bees, a good cliff bar; Isaac: literal sunshine; Cape and Catherine: psychology (because science); Sam and Catherine: memories of Davidson; Kierstin: I don't know; Amber A's rag: dad jokes and dark makeup.
I, Lilly, being of mind and body, do declare this my last Will and Testament. To Neha, I leave the reverse dab, the reverse whip, and an obese cow heart. To Anna, my child, I leave a microwave for your mac n cheese. To Kenna, I leave subtlety, raisins, and mangoes. To Margaux, I leave all of my pennies and both of my femurs. To Coleman, I leave raisins. To Simone, I leave the ability to crochet. To Lulu, I leave all of my granola. To Sam, I leave good coffee. To Emma, I leave good vegetarian food. To Nisha, I leave the largest sweatshirt I own. And to Natalie, I leave my yarn
I, Nisha Klein, of sound mind and the sound of music, declare this to be my Duke TIP Will and Testament, and I bequeath.. Issac: my smaalness. Bobbie, my son: Russians and a life supply of mini centaurs. Sam, my ab psych husband: divorce papers. Sam, my roommate: broken flip flops and our EP. Natalie: the routine and apples. Thomas: not spoons. Chloe: ugly cat sweaters. Justice: my freckles. Margaux: third place in my love. Jo: second place in my love and all my property/money. Emma: a better life. Erin: a cactus. Grant, my bud: my ever-lasting love. Anna (Hori): meme videos, mulan singalongs and the lessons of dare. Lauren: sweatshirts. Lilly: jokes ;). Anna (McMillan): a spoon for her Mac&Cheese. Catherine: a sports bra in her time of need. Fox: my tiredness. Gwen: half of my kids. Maya, my step-dad: a rad, sad trashcan on a skateboard. Katie: a life of joy. Madison: nothing and I'm taking your fashion sense. Eric: my apologies cause I'm not leaving him anything. My children, Lo, Xavier, Tanvi & Jackson, respectively: my backpack, the identity of his father/Nigerian Prince, all my affection, and a lifetime free of my judgement. Izzy: narration of mafia forever. Kierstin: diet Mountain Dew. Lulu: nutella and Netflix. Julia: quality food. Kenna: my soul. Duke U: my toe.
I, Catherine Lambert of trashCAN mind and trashCAN'T body, bestow the following things to my pals: a my little pony dress and rocking tunes to Sam T., a space webcomic to Jack, my dad rapping to Sam B. and Nisha, fabulous bird hairdos forever to Anna H., the correct pronunciation of my name to Cape, and general dad-ness to my fellow Duke Dads. I love you all, so thanks for the best three weeks of my life.
I, Anna Hori, being of fairly competent teenage girl mind and perpetually broken grandma body, bequeath the following: puns/confusion abou this name to Joaquin, concerns about hair loss to Jack, culture to Brandon, soda and something sentimental to Sam Taliaferro, 21 days of 24/7 time together and a promise to listen to her tunes and podcasts to my pal Catherine, my name and variations of it to Anna M/Anna Q/Hannah/Annie, a first-aid kit to fix any injuries and/or embarrassment to Nisha and Sam B, my vulnerable narcissism to Social Psychology, my dadness to Amber A's Rag and finally, to Duke TIP West 2016, all of my love and thanks for three of the best weeks of my life.
I, Lauren Williams, being of gay mind and exhausted body, hereby bequeath the following: To Malika, my collection of tea. To Biotech 2nd and 3rd years, my shares of Low-key Loki and Associates. To Biotech term 2, working expo markers, John Oliver, and the ability to pull down the projector screen. To Chloe, my eternal love, Mountain Dew, and one of my healthy ankles. To Justice, shower shoes, my soul or lack thereof, and all of my euphemisms. To Claire, all of the organs on chips and all of the alternative music from the early 2000s. To future Duke West TiPsters, edible food. To the Dad RAG, dad jokes. To Anna H., my love and apologies for being a cheating husband. So long and goodnight.
Justice Martin - To Ryan: The dress. Hal: The last 3 ramens. Hattie: My body heat. Nacho: The coffee mug. Lo: My firefly catching ability. Wyatt: my lanyard. Xavier: Reign of his spot. Lauren: Full reign of my closet
I, Kiersten Ryder, of unsound mind and unstable body do hereby bequeath the following: To Coles, my ability to be short. To Mindy, my southern accent. To Eric, a white t-shirt. To Roumie, my love of all things music. To my TA Faye, every MCR song ever. To my teacher, Liz, the Marmoset song. To Anna, all the mac and cheese. To Chloe, a never ending supply of Mtn Dew and Lucky Charms marshmallows. To the duke dads, all the cheesy dad jokes. To my roommate, Kenna, I don't know. To Catherine, my sister/adopted daughter Amber. To Justice, my ability to put hair into braided buns. And to all the third years, my orange lanyard and all the pain and suffering of ending TIP.
I, Sam Bonge, being of mostly sound mind and terribly clumsy body, bequeath the following: To Kenna and Catherine, I leave the Boobah. To Emma, I leave all my medical knowledge, so she may write better novels. To Lilly, I leave Cuban coffee and all the mangos in south Florida, to ease the sting of living so far away. To Nisha, I leave the wound of a broken flip-flop. To the Duke Dads, I leave the memories of these last weeks. To all the third years, I leave all our tears and sadness, this will be you next year, and to all those who wronged me (aka the second years), I leave the clumsiness of my rag, may the curse continue with you.
Fox Willbanks - To Riley B.: imaginary subscribers. Sage: all the sass in the world. Rachel D.: the glorious title of the Rap Queen. La'Mon's RAG: the cheesiest jokes in the book. Lilly: mastery of ERS
Graham: To Josh I leave mango pops. To Ben I leave a lifetime supply of Panda Express. To Karen and Hannah I leave all of the spoons. To Sachin I leave v1ifhfbifoaorbrjdi. To Rahul I leave robocoP. To Johnathan and Rushil: dab. To one-move Will I leave salt and a killdozer. And finally to Alex, it was me the whole time.
I, Abhi Reddy, of Bati's rag leave the following. Brendan, my attitude. Joon, your phone. Kyle, snapchat. Nicoás, frisbee rubix cube. To Cape, all the silver you need. Josh S., repaired Ole Faithful. Ben, Texas Rangers. To Bati, Jordans. Kevin, it was pun. Alex, soccer ball. To Creston, my future frisbee blessing. To Nick, bowl for your rice, lock to pick, window to jump through. To Esther, hops, new finsta, my baby cows. To Maddy Van, a yellow shirt, roller skates, tater tots. To Julia, bowling lessons, draining goldfish threes, morning runs. To Claire, bro-code, a golden bowling ball. To Cameron, the bottom left corner of my shirt, all the tickles, a whistle for your career in coaching. To TIP West, 9 amazing weeks.
I John Ives of sound body and mind leave, to Matthew, I give wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. To Mohamed I give anything and everything related to Dragon Ball Z. To Leaf I give as many politicians as he needs. To Abhi I give more mango pops than you can possibly eat. To Ben I leave the local Panda Express. To Josh S. I give the power of "if it do, it will" WILL PUN #1!! To Josh M. I give insane rapping skills, even though you won't need them. To Will I give what I will. WILL PUN #2!! To Graham I return the gift of peace and quiet. To Grant I give three more years of TIP (you deserved it). To Jinman I give a way to have an even more similar name to mine. To Spencer I give an opportunity to talk to Carter forever. To Max I give many, many leis. To Fox I give the mangoes. All of them. To Brandon I give a much more complicated life and no apologies. To Movie Theater Jeffrey, I give the ability to bend the dark arts to your will. WILL PUN #3!! To the Bati Builders I give Leaf's mom, Lwaf. To the Ethics in Sci-Fi class, I give a less
I, Lead Kalikow, leave Will N. my comb, Elliot my talkativeness, Jordyn and Yamini my dank memes, Anabella my height, Marnie a spoon, Karen coconut Herbal Essences shampoo, Will J. a microwave and some salt, Max all my leis, Josh M. an ergonomic keyboard, Mohammed my cough, Ben everything Kanye, and Jives Jeffery and Lwaf. I leave my politcal jokes to Carly Fiorina supporters (AKA no one). I leave an open window to the birds in the cafeteria. I leave Bati laser-tag skills.
Joshua Mishkin's Will- To Jimmie: I leave Latin. Thank you for all the memories and a friendship that will last a lifetime. To Brandon: I leave the Jew Brew, sister power, and a strapless dress. To Mohammed: I leave an unlocked door. To Jordyn: I leave oncology. To Josh: I leave the Bati Roll, the RIP, and 7 American flags. To Leaf: I leave Herbal Essence 2-in-1 Coconut flavored shampoo. To Jives: Jeffrey. To Jinman: I leave an unbroken ankle. To Neha: I leave "wonderful" eyeliner skills. To Biology of Cancer: I leave a family's bond that can never be broken.
I William Jackson willingly will name Will to Will. With that out of the way I segway into the rest of Will's will. I have been waiting 4 years for that pun. 37 years from now I will give up whatever part I had in Grellow's victory, my hope being that it'll be 37 years before they next win. To my rag i give my lines of salt so that they may always remember me. To Jives I leave my microwave skills, because maybe that way he'll stop complaining about it. To Sarah M. I leave my ability to be a cool guy because lets face it if I didn't she'd be pretty lame when I left am I right? It's been a jam.
I hereby begin writing Ben Clayman's will. To Karen, I leave Twix and Cape Cod potato chips. To Rushil, I leave my impeccable dab. To Sutchen, I leave speech lessons. To Rahul, I leave an official certificate of Dr. Mr. Chemist. To Alex, I leave a cowboy hat and a pair of cowboy boots. To Jenny, basic. To Mohammed, I give my far superior Mac as opposed to his shoddy PC. To John Ives, I leave the opportunity to make a pun about his name. To Josh, I leave the world's finest hacky sack. To Abhi, I leave a mango pop. Finally, to the rising third years, I leave one of the best RCs, Bati. Thus ends the will.
Josh Stapleton's will: First in my will, I leave Sachin a meg, laundry detergent, and a hackie sack (Not really he'd lose it). To Alex, I leave some pizza, and a lock of my hair. To Jennifer: Basic. To Nicolas I leave a better cube and to Brandon, all of my profits. To Karen I leave Twix and chips. To the other Josh, I leave the eternal bond that our shared name brings. For Will, most roast and scissors for a haircut. For Abhi I leave the dopest hackie sack tricks ever. For Ben I leave the Lwaf and Panda Express. For Rahul I leave a degree in PBASIC. Finally to Rushil, one last dab so that whenever read, you can dab in remembrance of our time together.
Michael Patrick-- I, capability, of effervescent mind and ineluctable body, dost devise, bequeath, give, and bestoweth upon the subsequent entities as follows: to Maud: one jean gnome; Claire, eight tenths of a bicep; Aly, grapefruit; Cecilia, 10 percent; Rylee, a Brian; Sarah, girls; Kestrel, even brighter shoes; Louis, survival skills; Cafrine, Japan, Lulu, the better half of a rainbow; Kenna, Robs rat; Matt, a 32 second timer; Lucy, a fountain pen; Abhi, a light emitting diode and power source; biotech, my shares of Lowkey Loki and associates; and TIP, a wonderful experience. Here endeth my will.