Bible de Steve, The

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Written about RC Steven Martino by Anthony Dechen, Tyler Clark, and Chase Albright of Steve's Royal Pains at University of Kansas Term 1 in 2007.

Bible in full


In the beginning, Steve said "let there be light" and he turned on the switch. After that, Steve said "let there be silence" and the 12 apostles all shut up. Then Steve began to lay down the rules. "There shall be no violence" and the 12 apostles said "yes almighty Steve" But there was corruption! Ricky asked "But what if..." and the others all said "OMG STFU!" and then apostle Ricky was condemned! The meeting continued and the rules were made. "There shall be no excessive cussing, there shall be no going into girls halls" The next day, Steve logged onto WoW and pwned some n00bs. He forced the apostles to go to class so that they may learn, because ignorance is a sin. The night fell and Steve went to sleep. As the days passed, the bond between Steve and his apostles grew stronger. Steve gained followers during lunch because the apostles witnessed to the other students. But not all people supported the rapid growth of Stevism. Adam attempted to silence apostle Anthony, the best witnesser. The authority of Adam did not quiet the apostles. They continued to gain support from their neighbor country, the Davidians. The Davidians were kind folk, not much different from the followers of Steve. They were all living in Harmony until the Mighty Pillow Wars. The Pillow Wars, the most violent times between the Stevians and the Davidians. The armies were even, 12 on 12. The battles raged for 2 days, until a crucial blow by Anthony. Anthony struck down a Davidian named Tom, which ended the war. Since Steve was a leader of peace, he was very upset with Anthony. Many conflicts between Steeve and Anthony began. Arguments over silly things began. But Anthony repented and Steve allowed him back into the ranks of his worshipers.


After the conflicts of the Pillow Wars and arguments, Steve decided something must change. So Steve died his hair pink. His hair had a magical effect and many people loved Steve. And Steve loved them. He even began to allow the apostles to try to get a cow. Apostle Tyler wanted to ride a cow for the Holy RC Group Night. Steve said "This is ok, but you must obtain this cow yourself!" Tyler took on the spiritual journey but never was able to locate a cow. --------fell asleep------ As the Stevians boredom grew, they began to amuse themselves by racing down the hall on each others backs. They wanted to Joust, but since jousting is violent, and Steve hates violence, the Stevians could not do this. The racing was a dangerous sport, and many people were injured. One day, some Davidians joined with some Stevians to create a giant slingshot, that could cast a tube of toothpaste down the entire hall. When one of the tubes burst on the roof, King Davids fury was unleashed and he shunned them for engaging in this activity. The apostles were ashamed.


On the first day, David as assigned airport duty. This is one of the most dreaded tasks due to the driving involved. David met a few followers that day. That night, David went on a mission to meet all his Davidians. There were 12 of them. david explained the laws of his land to his new inhabitants. The rules were that of Steves. "No excessive cussing, going in girls halls, and no violence." These rules were far too lenient for the Davidians. The Davidians grew close to David, but their close friends, the Stevians influenced them to also share a loving bond with Steve. As the days went by, the loyal Davidians even began to hang out with the followers of Steve. But then the Great Pillows Wars came and separated the 2 clans. To distract them from the fighting, David had them play a game called HOG. This game occupied the Davidians time and allowed them to bond with their leader David. To play this, the Davidians built a crude hoop in which they toss a ball into. And when the play, the hoop would sometimes break. They call this "The Great Break" and the break unleashes the wrath of David. David has super sound amplification devises which are sacred to him. Davids followers attempted to steal them and this brought about a time where David only punished his followers.


Steve's mighty pink hair shined like a mother pig in a pool of mud. His godly sister Amour also dyed her hair pink. Together their apostles joined together in an alliance of pinky goodness. Together they fought the three other armies. The pink army was fueled by ancient liquid powers. They fought hard but the Yellow army had King Leo, king of the jungle on their team. But the pink team kept the word of Steve in their hearts and lived happily ever after.