Dennisism

Dennisism is a religion invented by the Dennisists at Duke West Term 1 '05. Dennisism's holy book is the Book of We Say So, quoted here:

"On the seventh hour of the first day of the seventh month of the third year of the fifth millenium C.E., the Lord Dennis did spake to the High Priest Eric. Dennis did give at this time all of his commandments.

"Thou shalt always show thine respect for the gods Air Conditioning and Central Heat. Whenever thou enters the presence of AC or CH, thou shalt verily kneel before them.

"Thou shalt show utmost respect to the Hair of the High Priest, for it is the hair of Dennis Himself, thy Lord. Thou must groom the High Priest if it is required.

"The Lord doth enjoy the song ‘Tunak Tunak.’ Therefore, all those who have Faith in the Almighty Dennis must burst into dance whenever in earshot of the Song.

"Thou shalt not kill unless it is done so under certain circumstances. Such circumstances would include self-defense, defense of others, defense of possessions, annoying singing and/or laughing by the offending party, offensive odor on the part of the offending party, insults to your mother by the offending party, if the offending party looks at you wrong, if you feel like it, boredom… (see Appendix A for a complete list).

"The Lord thy Dennis despises Sundays. Therefore, all who are true to the Faith must shun them. Mourn. Weep. Sleep through them. Do not rejoice. Dennis help you if you are glad.

"Thou must show respect to thine leaders in the Faith of Dennis. Refer to all of them by their Right and Proper Titles.

• High Priest Eric
• Holy Suirativ Jefferson (pope)
• Dali Lama Samuel Agustus
• Satan
• First Apostle Sarah
• False Messiah Bobert (KOS)
• pi’th Apostle Zack
• Stillborn Messiah Squirrelbert
• Follower Adam
• Title Pending Reed
• Court Jester Dustin

"Whenever a true disciple of Dennis finds himself or herself or itself or theirselves in an awkward situation, that follower(s) must burst into loud obnoxious Pirate Music.

"Thou shalt follow the 52nd commandment. If thou dost not knowest the 52nd commandment, improvise. Chances are good that you do it anyway.

"If a disciple feels the urge to point out and/or laugh at a perverted joke, that disciple must make The Noise. The Noise is much akin to a cough combined with a laugh.

"Follow all of these commandments or thou shalt spend eternity in Hell’s Guest Bathroom. All these things the High Priest inscribed on notebook paper. ATTFB."