Doctor Doctor/Duke East 2015 Term II
Sports Player: captain, captain I have a pain
Here?
No here!
Here?
No here!
Here?
Yes here!
Okay I'll call the trainer
Hello?
Hello, my player has a pain
A pain? Where?
Here!
Here?
No, here!
Here?
No, here!
Here?
Yes, here!
Okay, I'll be right over
Yep, he's dead.
Dead?!
Yes, deader than Johnny Manziel's career in the NFL dead.
Deader that the staff's hopes of beating the Lazer dragon's dead?
Deader than President of FIFA's credibility dead.
Okay, I'll call the mortician.
Brady and Motter's mortuary, you hate 'em we deflate 'em
Pop Culture Mother: dead as in ZAYN as a member of one direction dead?
Doctor: yes, dead as in Katy Perry and Taylor Swifts friendship dead
Mortician: Dead as in Iggy Azelea's free styling skills dead?
Doctor: dead as in Kylie Jenner's natural lips dead
Memes Daughter: Mum, much pain, very hurt, such wow!
Mother: A pain?
Daughter: Yes, a dank pain!
Mother: Where?
D: Here!
M: Here?
D: Here!
M: Here?
D: No, here!
M: Here?
D: No, here!
M: Here?
D: No, here!
M: OHHHH here! Alright, I'll call the doctor. Ring ring ring! (Daughter falls dead)
Doc: Doctor's office, new phone, who dis?
M: My daughter has a dank pain!
Doc: A dank pain!
M: Yes, a dank pain!
Doc: Oh here! Well then, I'll be right over!
M: Ha ha, and then what????? :)
Doc: I'll take a look then! ...She got rekt!
M: rekt?
Doc: Yes, R-E-K-T rekt!
M: rekt as your mom rekt, m8?
Doc: Yes, rekt as the rarest Pepe rekt!
M: Oh well, I guess I had better call the mortician! Ring ring ring!
Mort: Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf's Mortuary. You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and then we'll bury them for you.
Politicians
CHILD: Mother, I have a cam-pain!
MOTHER: A cam-pain? Where?
C: Here!
M: Here?
C: No, here!
M: Here?
C: No, here!
F: I’ll call the doctor.
DOCTOR: Did someone call for a doctor?
C: I have a cam-pain!
M: She has a cam-pain!
D: A cam-pain? Where?
C: Here!
D: Here?
C: ACK! *dies*
M: Do you have a diagnosis?
D: your daughter is dead.
M: Dead as bipartisanship in congress dead?
D: Dead as the Greek economy dead.
M: Dead as Barack Obama's eyes dead?
D: Dead as Donald trump's combover dead.
M: I’ll call the mortuary.
MORTICIAN: Second Amendment Mortuary, you shoot 'em once, we shoot 'em again!
TiP
Tipster: RC RC I have a head injury
RC: Where does it hurt?
Here?
No here
Here
No here
Here
Yes here
RC: Ok I'll call the ER ring ring ring
ER: You guys have to stop calling.
RC: ER ER my tipster has a head injury
Here?
No here
Here
No here
Here
Yes here
ER: I'll be right over … They're dead
RC: Dead as in 250 words for the wills dead?
ER: Yes as in dead as Harrison's sideburns dead *Harrison runs out of the auditorium*
RC: Oh well I guess I'll call the mortician ring ring
Mortician: Alec's closet, you hide 'em, we find 'em