Doctor Doctor/Duke West 2012 Term I
Director: Rachel Wipfler
- Daughter: Natalie Hollister
- Mother: Laura Rabassa
- Doctor: Ella Baum
- Mort the Mortician: Emily McMullen
D: Mother, Mother! I have a pain!
M: A pain?
D: Yes, a pain!
D: Yes, here.
M: Alright, I'd better call the doctor. Ring ring!
Dr: Hello, doctor's office.
M: Doctor, Doctor! My daughter has a pain!
Dr: A pain?
M: Yes, a pain!
M: Yes, here.
Dr: I'm on my way. Ding dong. (walks in) She's dead!
M: Dead as a doornail, dead?
Dr: Dead as a doornail, dead!
M: I'd better call the mortician. Ring ring!
Mort: Mort's Mortuary. You kill 'em, we chill 'em!
Director: Cut, cut, cut. That didn't have nearly enough character. Let's try something a little more...ethnic. Makeup!
- Son: Aditya (Squeaker) Mahadevan
- Mother: Katherine Ward
- Cow: Monica
- Doctor: Subanshu Pyne
Director: Cut, cut, cut. That was just offensive!
- Daughter: Chandler Moore
- Mother: Morgan Ringel
- Doctor: Yasmine Rahmat
- Mortician: Allie Schrock
Director: Cut, cut, cut! Girls, that was way too mean! Let's try something a little more...hardcore. Makeup!
- Lax Bro: Lauren Gawel
- Coach: Carissa Yeaney
- Trainer: Olivia Musselman
- Sports Authority: Alice Reed
LB: 'Sup, ladies? (spins lacrosse stick, hits self in face, falls down) Coach, Coach! I have a pain!
C: A what?
C: What? Speak like a man!
C: Don't mumble or you have twenty sprints!
LB: I have a pain!
C: A pain?
LB: Yes, a pain!
C: Where, here?
LB: No, here.
LB: Yes, there.
C: I'll call the trainer. Ring ring ring.
T: Trainer Tent.
C: I have a lax bro down on Field 2!
T: Did you try Gatorade?
C: It didn't work!
T: What?! Where's the pain? Here?
C: No, here.
C: Yes, there.
T: I'll run right over. (runs over) Ma'am, your lax bro is dead!
T: Yes, dead!
C: As dead as his chances with a TIPster?
T: Yes, as dead as his chances with a TIPster!
C: That's dead. I'd better call Sports Authority. Ring ring ring.
SA: Sports Authority. All our footballs are made of real leather. You can 'em, we tan 'em.
Director: Cut, cut, cut! Guys, I can't. I just can't. I don't even have any more ideas.
Katniss (from audience): I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!
- Katniss: Catherine Farmer
- Peeta: Vincent
- Haymitch: Shane Reagan
- Gamemaker: Flip Kaifer
K: Peeta, Peeta, I have a pain.
P: A pain? Where?
K: (touches heart) Here.
P: Oh, here. Okay, I'll call Haymitch. Ring ring ring.
H: Uh, yeah?
P: Katniss has a pain.
H: A pain? Where?
P: (touches heart) No, here.
H: Oh, here. I'll take a look. (checks iPad) Yeah, she's dead.
P: As dead as...?
H: Yeah, she's just dead. I'll call the Gamemaker. Ring ring.
G: Gamemaker. You shoot 'em, we scoop 'em.
Director: Cut, cut, cut! Guys, Katniss doesn't die in the original! Let's try something a little more...nerdy. Makeup!
- Tipster: Hannah Slay
- RC: Erin Aurther
- Lindsay: Arianna Benson
- Great Hall: Indy Rajan
Tipster twirls lanyard, hits self in face, falls down.
RC: Whoa there, are you okay?
RC: Talk louder or I'll send you to Kurt.
T: I have a pain!
T: No, here.
T: No, here!
T: Yes, here!
RC: I'll call Lindsay the counselor. Ring ring!
L: Lindsay's office.
RC: My Tipster has a pain!
L: A pain?
RC: Yes, a pain!
RC: Yes, here.
L: Oh, there. I'll be right over. (runs over) Your Tipster is dead.
RC: As dead as American Pie?
Note: this was a shot at all of the staff because of the fact that they cut American Pie off during the 2nd dance after the 4th years refused to not yell DIE DIE DIE, LIVE LIVE LIVE, SEX SEX SEX, MORE MORE MORE. They had been asked to "keep it tippropriate" but as we all know, many tradtions are not tippropriate, and that has never stopped us before
L: As dead as American Pie.
RC: I'll call the Duke West Food Services. Ring ring.
GH: Great Hall. You kill 'em, we grill 'em!