Doctor Doctor/Duke West 2013 Term I

Director: Mary Clarke Worthington

Original

• Mother: Joanna Sands
• Daughter: Margaret Sands
• Doctor: Faith Rodriguez
• Mortician: Bret Morrison

Director: Action!

Daughter: Mother, Mother! I have a pain!

Mother: A pain?

Daughter: Yes, a pain!

Mother: Where?

Daughter: Here.

Mother: Here?

Daughter: Here.

Mother: Here?

Daughter: Here.

Mother: Here?

Daughter: Yes, here.

Mother: Alright, I'd better call the doctor. Ring ring!

Doctor: Hello, doctor's office.

Mother: Doctor, Doctor! My daughter has a pain!

Doctor: A pain?

Mother: Yes, a pain!

Doctor: Here?

Mother: Here.

Doctor: Here?

Mother: Here.

Doctor: Here?

Mother: Yes, here.

Doctor: I'm on my way. Ding dong. (walks in) She's dead!

Mother: Dead as a doornail, dead?

Doctor: Dead as a doornail, dead!

Mother: I'd better call the mortician. Ring ring!

Mortician: Mort's Mortuary. You kill 'em, we chill 'em!

Director: Cut, cut, cut. That was not what I had in mind at all. Let's try something more... universal. Makeup!

Star Trek

• Scotty: Johanna Smith-Palliser
• Kirk: Paola Moctezuma
• Spock: Anika Agarwal
• McCoy: Pratyusha Medikonda
• Warp Core: Faith Maxwell

Scotty: Captain Kirk, the warp core has a pain!

Kirk: A pain? Where?

Scotty: There!

Kirk: There?

Scotty: No, there!

Kirk: There?

Scotty: There!

Kirk: There?

Scotty: Yes, there!

Kirk: Okay. I'll go in and check it out.

Scotty: No, wait! The radioactivity will kill you! Let me call Spock. (Turns away.) Engineering to bridge, come in!

Kirk: (Runs to the warp core and promptly dies.)

Spock: Spock here.

Scotty: Spock! The warp core has a pain!

Spock: A pain? Where?

Scotty: There! (Turns around, pointing, and gasps upon seeing Kirk.) Spock, I think you'll be wanting to see this.

Spock: Okay, I'll be right there. (Runs over to Scotty and looks at Kirk. Dramatically buries face in hands.) He's dead.

Scotty: Dead as your planet, dead?

Spock: Dead as my planet, dead.

Scotty: I'd better call Doctor McCoy. Engineering to Sick Bay, come in!

McCoy: This is Doctor McCoy.

Scotty: Come quick, the Captain is dead!

McCoy: Goshdarnit, Scotty, I'm a doctor, not a mortician!

Director: Cut! That's not what I envisioned at all. Let's try it a little more... animated.

Snow White

• Grumpy: Ellie Pippas
• Snow White: Rachel Meade
• Doc: Nishali Malik
• Prince Charming: Zac Lewis
• Witch: Katherine Bishara

Doctor Who

• Amy: Madeline Landry
• Rory: Amanda Taylor
• The Doctor: Tori Lambeth
• River Song: Anna Glassman
• Crack in the universe: Brett Morrison

(Bret hits Amanda with "crack in the universe" sign)

Rory: Amy! Amy! I have a pain!

Amy: A pain! Where?

Rory: Here.

Amy: Here?

Rory: No, here!

Amy: Here?

Rory: No, here!

Amy: Here?

Rory: Yes, here!

Amy: I'll call a doctor!

(Bret hits Amanda with "crack in the universe" sign again)

Amy: Hello? I need a doctor!

(Doctor enters on side)

Doctor: I'm the doctor!

Amy: Doctor who?

Doctor: Just the Doctor.

Amy: Oh, Doctor! Rory has a pain!

Doctor: A wibbly wobbly, timey wimey pain?

Amy: A wibbly wobbly, timey wimey pain, here!

Doctor: Here?

Amy: No, here.

Doctor: Here?

Amy: No, here.

Doctor: Here?

Amy: Yes, here!

Doctor: Oh! Geronimo!

(Doctor puts "TARDIS" cardboard box on head, spins around and lands by Rory)

Doctor: Where's your husband? Here?

Amy: Yes, here!

Doctor: He's dead. Again.

Amy: Dead as the time lords dead?

Doctor: Dead as the time lords dead.

Doctor: I'll call the mortician.

(River enters from the side)

River: Hello, sweetie! If they exterminate, we refrigerate!

Undead

• Mother: Vicki Sandring
• Daughter: Elizabeth
• Doctor: Cameron
• Chuck Norris: Nathan Rowe

Ultimate

• Mother: Jacob Thompson
• Daughter: Jessica Chow
• Doctor: Cole Thompson
• Mortician: Haroon

Tipster

• Tipster: Sophia Ly
• RC Sam: Huixi Yu
• Zach: Carolyn Im
• Great Hall: Hannah Boozalis

Tipster: Sam, Sam! I crossed the boundary and now I can't find my legs!

Sam: Your arms?

Tipster: My legs!

Sam: Your head?

Tipster: My legs!

Sam: Your eyes?

Tipster: No, my legs!

Sam: Oh, your legs. I'll call Zach. Ring ring!

Zach: Hello, Duke TIP Main Office. This is Zach of ambiguous age.

Sam: Are you sure you're not Michael?

Zach: No, I'm Zach.

Sam: Not Michael?

Zach: I'm Zach.

Sam: Oh, okay. Well, my Tipster crossed the boundary and now she can't find her legs!

Zach: Okay, I'll be right over. Let me just grab my cane. (Walks over.) Guess my age.

Sam: 93!

Zach: No.

Sam: 65!

Zach: No.

Sam: 111!

Zach: No. Too many wrong guesses, your Tipster is dead.

Tipster: (Dies.)

Sam: Oh no! I guess I'll call the Great Hall. Ring ring!

Great Hall: Duke West Great Hall, you slay 'em, we filet 'em!