Vanilla

Daughter: Mother, Mother, I have a pain.

Mother: A pain?

Daughter: Yes, a pain.

Mother: Where?

Daughter: Here

Mother: Here?

Daughter: no, here.

Mother: Here?

Daughter: Yes, here.

Mother: I’ll call the doctor (ring ring)

Doc: Hello?

Mother: Doctor, doctor, my daughter has a pain (daughter falls down dead)

Doc: A pain?

Mother: yes, a pain.

Doc: where?

Mother: here

Doc: here?

Mother: no, here

Doc: here?

Mother: yes, here

Doc: I’ll be right over. (doc arrives and examines girl) Ma’am, this girl is dead

Mother: dead as in a doornail dead?

Doc: yes, dead as in a doornail dead. I’ll call the mortician. (ring ring)

Mort: Mort’s mortuary, you take ‘em down, we’ll put ‘em in the ground

Doc: we’ve got a dead girl here

Mort: dead as in dead as a doornail dead?

Doc: yes, dead as in dead as a doornail dead

Mort: I’ll be right over

Director: Cut cut cut. This needs more minerals. Makeup!

Minecraft

Villager: Steve, Steve, I saw a creeper.

Steve: A creeper?

Villager: Yes, a creeper

Steve: Where?

Villager: Here

Steve: Here?

Villager: no, here.

Steve: Here?

Villager: Yes, here.

Steve: I’ll call a witch (ring ring)

Witch: Hello?

Steve: Witch, this villager saw a creeper (villager gets exploded)

Witch: A creeper?

Steve: yes, a creeper.

Witch: where?

Steve: here

Witch: here?

Steve: no, here

Witch: here?

Steve: yes, here

Witch: I’ll be right over. (Witch arrives and examines girl) Steve, this child got blown up by a creeper and is now dead

Steve: dead as Minecraft dead?

Witch: yes, dead as Minecraft dead. I’ll call the mortician. (ring ring)

Mort: Mort’s mortuary, you mine ‘em we dine ‘em

Witch: we’ve got a dead child here

Mort: dead as the chances of the Minecraft group placing in Tipsync dead?

Witch: yes, dead as the chances of the Minecraft group placing in Tipsync dead.

Mort: I’ll be right over

Director: Cut cut cut! This needs to be more obnoxious. Makeup!

Staff

Liam: Shataya, Shataya, I have a pain.

Shataya: A pain?

Liam: a pain.

Shataya: Where?

Liam: Here

Shataya: Here?

Liam: no, here.

Shataya: Here?

Liam: Yes, here.

Shataya: I’ll call the doctor (ring ring)

Ken: Hello?

Shataya: heyyyyyyy doctorrrrrrrr, my Liam has a pain (Liam falls down dead)

Ken: A pain?

Shataya: yes, a pain.

Ken: fabulous?

Shataya: fabulous

Ken: fabulous?

Shataya: no, fabulous

Ken: fabulous?

Shataya: yes, fabulous

Ken: I’ll be right over. (doc arrives and examines Liam) Ma’am, this Liam is dead

Shataya: dead as the dance when Liam shows up dead?

Ken: yes, dead as the dance when Liam shows up dead. I’ll call the mortician. (ring ring)

Nate: Nate’s mortuary, you take their joy and we’ll destroy

Ken: we’ve got a dead Liam here

Nate: dead as in dead as my chances of smiling dead?

Ken: yes, dead as in your chances of smiling dead

Nate: I’ll be right over

Director: Cut cut cut! This needs more magic. Makeup!

Harry Potter

Fred: Molly Weasley Molly Weasley I have a pain.

Molly: A pain?

Fred: Yes, a pain!

Molly: Where?

Fred: Here

Molly: Here?

Fred: No, here

Molly: Here?

Fred: Yes, here

Molly: Here... I’ll call Madam Pompfrey (pause) Ring! Ring! Ring!

Madame Pompfrey: Madame Pompfrey’s Office!

Molly: Madame, Madame! My son, Fred, has a pain

Madame Pompfrey: A pain?

Molly: Yes a pain!

Madame Pompfrey: Where?

Molly: Here.

Madame Pompfrey: Here?

Molly: No, here.

Madame Pompfrey: Here?

Molly: Yes, here

Madame Pompfrey: I’ll be right over. Where is Fred?

Molly: Here

Madame Pompfrey: Here?

Molly: Yes, here!

Madame Pompfrey: I will take a look then. Fred is dead

Molly: Dead?

Madame Pompfrey: Yes, dead!

Molly: Dead as Dobby dead?

Madame Pompfrey: Yes, Dead as Dobby dead!

Molly: Oh well, I guess I had better call the mortician. Ring ring ring!

St. Mungo's: St. Mungo’s Hospital. You hit em with a curse. We put em in a hearse.

Director: Cut cut cut! This needs half the actors. Makeup!

Avengers

Peter: Mr. Stark! I have a pain!

Stark: A pain?

Peter: Yes, a pain.

Stark: Where?

Peter: Here.

Stark: Here?

Peter: No, here

Stark: Here?

Peter: Yes, here.

Stark: Ok, I'll call the doctor. (ring ring)

Strange: Hello?

Stark: Doctor, Doctor, the spider kid has a pain.

Peter: I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD (dies)

Strange: A pain?

Stark: Yes, a pain.

Strange: Where?

Stark: Here.

Strange: Here?

Stark: No, here

Strange: Here?

Stark: Yes, here.

Strange: I'll be right over

Strange: Sir, your spider kid is dead.

Stark: Dead as Loki dead?

Strange: Yes, dead as Loki dead. I'll call the mortician.

Thanos: This is Thanos' mortuary. Half price for anyone I turned to dust.

Strange: We've got a dead spider kid here.

Thanos: Dead as my daughter dead?

Strange: Dead as your daughter dead.

Thanos: I'll be right over.

Director: Cut cut cut! This needs more overreaction. Makeup!

TIP

Intruder: Chelsea, I have a pain.

Chelsea: A pain?

Intruder: Yes, a pain.

Chelsea: Where?

Intruder: Here.

Chelsea: Here?

Intruder: No, here.

Chelsea: Here?

Intruder: Yes, here.

Chelsea: I’ll call the med room (ring ring)

Kacee: Hello?

Chelsea: Kacee, Kacee, my tipster has a pain (intruder falls down)

Kacee: A pain?

Chelsea: Yes, a pain.

Kacee: where?

Chelsea: Here.

Kacee: Here?

Chelsea: No, here.

Kacee: Here?

Chelsea: Yes, here.

Kacee: I’ll be right over. (doc arrives and examines girl) Ma’am, this is not a tipster!

Chelsea: What? An intruder? (hits intruder with super soaker)

Kacee: Well, if he wasn’t dead before, he definitely is now.

Chelsea: Dead as our fourth year privileges dead?

Kacee: Yes, dead as our fourth year privileges dead. I’ll call the mortician. (ring ring)

Mort: Mort’s mortuary, you ghost 'em we roast 'em.

Kacee: We’ve got a dead intruder here.

Mort: Dead as Nebraska’s corn dead?

Kacee: Dead as Nebraska’s corn dead.

Mort: Okay, I’ll be right over.

Director: Cut cut cut! This needs more toast. Makeup!

Double-toasted Toast

Son: Mom, Mom, I double toasted toast!

Mom: Toast?

Son: Toast!

Mom: How toasted?

Son: Toasted!

Mom: Toasted?

Son: Toasted!!

Mom: Toasted??

Son: Double toasted!!!

Mom: I’ll call the baker!

Baker: Baker Bread’s office, how can we toast you?

Mom: Doctor, doctor, my son double toasted toast! (son falls down dead)

Baker: Toast?

Mom: Toasted toast!

Baker: Toast??

Mom: Toasted Toast!

Baker: Toast???

Mom: Toasted toast!!

Baker: Toasted toast?

Mom: Double toasted toast!!!

Baker: I’ll be right over. (doc arrives and examines son) Ma’am, this toast is double toasted.

Mom: Toasted as in double toasted?

Baker: Yes, toasted as in a double toasted. I’ll call the Toast Toaster! (ring ring)

Toast Toaster: Tim’s Toast Toastery, you toast the bread, we’ll toast the toast!

Baker: We’ve got a double toasted toast!

Toast Toaster: Toasted as in double toasted?

Baker: Yes, toasted as in double toasted.

Toast Toaster: I’ll be right there!

Director: That... was beautiful!!