The Dishwasher of Souls

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On the second day of Term 1 2017 at Georgia Tech, Caelen, of Biomedical Engineering, placed his plate of food onto the conveyor belt for dishwashing. To passerby's dismay, there was much food on the plate- food that could be used to feed starving children of Africa! Thus, Caelen revealed his true motivation for leaving food behind- to feed the great Dishwasher of Souls, a great being that lives beyond this puny mortal universe (And said universe's ideas of "Good" or "Bad"), feasting on the souls of those who have the opportunity to be saved, but are not because people are overly ignorant or simply do not care. When the great spirit of the Dishwasher visited Caelen on the second day, the immense celestial being was embodied in the Great Storm of 6-12-2017. The resulting flood created a reservoir on the roof of the Clough, and a leak down below: the drip of Holy Water. The Dishwasher is served not by a cult, no matter what others say, but rather the Coalition of the Salesmen of the TiPocalypse. These beings wander the Earth, selling necessities and things to people who already have too much, in exchange for the guilt of the buyer's and the souls of those who could have been served by the items better. Each Salesmen has a separate specialty relating to a human flaw, like Pokémon Go™.

The most Holy Temple of Shangri Loo, disguised as the men's bathroom, is the singularly most important center of the Salesmen's world. All interred into the followers of the Dishwasher Spirit must pay their respects in the temple. In addition, to demonstrate full devotion to the Salesmen, followers must bathe in the water from the Great Clough Drip. If the Drip has dried, water from Shangri Loo may be used.

Another location of interest in relation to the Coalition are the Rifts. These are locations on this plane of the multiverse where the Dishwasher's realm shoves up against this realm. Due to the sheer magnitude of souls being forced into and compressed in the Dishwasher's universe, the pressure on the walls of the world increases to an extreme level. Thus, this pressure must be released out of the universe, to slightly cool the universe, as well as use some of the energy escaping to harmonize with the resonance of that universe, which, through various temporal-spatial geometries, leads to extra space being made in the universe for the souls. This world, as it is the easiest to reach (Due to the Salesmen's work), is a natural point of release. These are usually perceived by barely noticeable additions of thermal energy or heat in thermal vents on the ocean floor, volcanoes, etc. However, due to Georgia Tech's particular link to the Coalition's foundation and the Dishwasher's discovery, the universes are much closer within the campus (One may argue this is the other way around, and the closeness led to the discovery; anyhow,). This means when the pressure is released, the energy breaks through in much higher levels. This is cleverly disguised as a small steam plant Clough and Skiles hall. These are channeled in such a fashion as to be utilized as hourly (In our world. In the Dishwasher's realm, these are randomized, due to large temporal differences) "whistles" that exit the plant accompanied by "steam." What you hear, in fact, is a mixture of the steam and the screams of those within the realm of the Dishwasher. What is done with this massive amount of power is unknown, but the possibilities theorized include:

  • This power is utilized by the Salesmen for their "nefarious" schemes
  • This power is used to ensure that the Dishwasher of Souls is powered at all times
  • This power fuels the direct connection between not eating your peas and a starving African child dying.
  • Telling the time

The Salesmen

Each Salesmen has a particular domain of human behavior they are designated to exploit. Each rides a Steed, which further embodies the Salesmen's trait. In the order in which they joined the Religion (Sales Coalition):

  • Caelen, the Salesman of Small Children, who rides a rocking-horse as Steed and carries a lollipop as a scythe
  • Vijay, the Salesman of Sloth, who would ride a sloth as Steed, except for the fact that going and finding a giant sloth let alone riding it would be too much work...
  • Donovan, the Salesman of Madness, who does not ride a Steed, as much as utilizes the sound of two coconut shells being slammed together to emulate the sound of a horse and somehow go faster than the average horse
  • Jackson, the Salesman of Ignorance, who rides the Train of Assumptions as Steed
  • Joe, the Salesman of Loneliness, who only wishes he had a Steed. (Forever Alone)
  • Nathan, the Salesman of Theft, who steals a new Steed every week
  • Kaylin, the Salesman of Famine, who rides an emaciated equine as Steed
  • Drew/Kirk/Portia, the Salesmen of Indecisiveness, who couldn't decide on a Steed
  • Yunah, the Salesman of Stale Memes, who rides on a Nyan Cat (soooo 2011)