TiP West Term 1 Fourth Year Wills 2014
This is the page for the original fourth year wills of Duke West Fourth Year TiPsters of term 1 2014. The RCs told us originally that there was no word limit for wills, but then they changed the limit to 150 words. As more fourth year wills come in I will be posting them.
UPDATE: they put an even worse word limit on the wills this year (100 words) so here's the link to the fourth year wills of 2015
I, Caroline Hall, being of endeavoured mind and subtly-toned body, hereby bequeath the following: to J-Dawg, my ethmoid (sharkfin of sadness) and a life not full of sadness; to K-Chew, my naturally missing tooth and Bill Bass; to Jason, a sharp, 5-blade razor for his fergalicious legs; to Eric, a microchip; to the Sports Campers, a vacuum, an etiquette class and quieter voices; to the Kitchen Staff at Penn Pavilion, classy sanps for their fabulous food; to the Construction workers, a new job site; to my Forensic Anthropology class, shorter walks, longer lunch breaks and a lifetime of love for their humor and camaraderie; to Ale, good luck in Vegas and another pair of adorable glasses; to Gabby, a life without Kanye music and (metaphorically) my scrap of yellow Davidson blanket (continue the tradition, girl); to Autumn, free plane tickets to go see Sarah whenever she wants; to Sarah, as much cereal as her heart desires; to Nell, black Nike socks and more food; to Gretchen, 20 mesh shirts; to Keely, BJ and the ability to buy as many Nike shorts as she wants; to Taylor, more adorable outfits; to Megan, a 1st place medal for her amazing science fair project; to A.B, the best running shoes in the world; to Olivia, a life with as much dairy as possible; to Jamie, a sign to tell people when she's being sarcastic and lots of food; to Ellen, a contract to be a hair model; to Erin, my extra, empty bed and imahinary roommate Felicia; to Maggie, a professional dance career; to Alyson, all the crepes in the world; to Sarah, an easily accessible laundry room; to Ritu, nothing because you are perfect and sassy and everything; and lastly, to my dearest Sarah Leonardis, I leave a family-sized bag of Rolos, my grandmother's coconut-lime cookies, a lifetime supply of biscuits from Penn Pavilion, an easily visible butter container, a personal LocoPops stand, my dull razor, an Armadillo Grill in Lexington, ORANGE CREAMSICLES AND CYCLONES, meals without Sports Campers, gummy bear caterpillars, Chex Mix and a fan, my undying love, and lastly, a slow crump.
I, Alyson Kara Win, of sassy mind and hella body, hereby bequeath my possessions to the following. To the fourth years of 2012 and 2013: A fifth year. To Olivia: "The best roommate ever" award, a real tea party, ABP, and my eternal gratitude for being the big bug killer. To Mags: 3 years of memories and a lifetime friend. To Chase: A wedding gift for you and Olivia. To Mini Marg: Better book taste and overused social psych jokes. To Jessica: squaddddd and the Jessica smile. To Sophia Ly: SOPHYAAAAA and Arkansas love. To Carolyn: white people's eyes. To Jakabo Thompson: an application to become part of the TiP black market. To Emily Mcmullen: my love for becoming my fourth year big sister my second year. To Shane Reagan: A big thank you second year for inspiring me to try and be a great TiPster. To my Social Psych class from second year: my great ability to ask very awkward questions. To my Neuroscience class: CAMELS and turtles. To Taylor: Three years of inside jokes from being in the same RAG. To Jamie: My incredible love for your sarcasm. To Caroline Hall: my prayers that you will get through the second season of Arrow. To Chrissy: Josiah and Dylan Sprayberry. To Bennett: Fluffy the Bunny and a 3rd year. To Michela: Sam Winchester and class shipping. To Fahim: a prodigal son you didn't want. To Alie: My TiP spirit (use it wisely) and broshiism. To Autumn: a #premium song and a creamsicle joke. To Will and Nathan: My nertz skills. To the Blazemaster: Alie. To Scott: The right way to spell my name. To Sonali and Mitul: my reaction to your very mean social experiment. To Ellen, Nell, and Gretchen: 3 whales and animal videos. To Sarah K.: Our shared love for TiP. To Ritu: Joint custody of Dylan O'Brien and feminist rants (EDIT IN 2016: To Ritu: A promise to you that I will better myself every day for you and everything I wish I could've told you before you left us. I miss you every day and I love you so much buddy). To Jordan: A frontal hug, Sara and Erica, the rightfully earned title as my bae, and a promise from me to stay in touch. To Nuclear Science: card games and Rickyism. To Erin's RAG: Crescent moons and my saltiness (especially over crepes). To TiPsters of past, present, and future: my eternal love and gratefulness. I'm the luckiest person in the world to have gone here for four years. Without TiP, I wouldn't be the proud, loving, less socially awkward person I am today. Thank you to everyone for the four years of memories I will never ever forget. TiP is love.
I, Maggie Steiner, of mostly-sane mind and classy body hereby bequeath the following: To Jessica Chow - lemon poppyseed muffins, a thousand years, and a fifth year. To Alyson Win - multiracial oreos, crepes, and a plane ticket to The Woodlands. To Erin Ringel - my innocence. To Anna Cunningham - a biscuit every morning and extra room for Jesus. To Becca Hentges - forensic Anthro swag and hopes that I'll see you soon in H-town. To Lizzie Yang - A pair of red cowboy boots and "that's what she said." To Nell SW - hot piano-playing goalies with nice arms to be her not-so-secret lovers. To Olivia Larner - a lifetime supply of ABP. To Chase Kelly - a sequel to "The Cartoon Guide To Genetics." To Jordan Couceyro - a golden ukulele and a green light across the bay. To Bennett Eckert - insurance for his hat (cough cough Alyson). To Erin's RAG - a rant circle, cute boys, "dinosaur" noises, crescent moons, and three whales. To Genetics 2014 - a caveman and two rocks. To all fourth years - American Pie and a fifth year. To all third years - These words of advice: Make your fourth year count. You only get one. I cannot thank you all enough for the little infinity that was my four years at Duke TIP, from first year at Trinity to fourth-year-fourth-year at West. I will leave this program a better student, friend, and person. I will forever have American Pie in my heart and Carolina in my mind. TIP has made me who I am today and I will always be grateful. Goodbye tipsters, you will be missed. We may only have twelve weeks, but the memories and friendships we have made will go on.
I Nell Sandring Wesemann of 'pretty sure' mind and wanted body, am hereby leaving my will for Duke TiP. TiP has changed my life, and I honestly don't know what my summers will be like without it. For my previous years at Appalachian State, and the Duke Marine Lab (#4thYear4thYear), I leave my memories of exciting experiences and loving friends. I will forever leave these items, jokes, and memories for the following people: To Julie Clements, I leave one more year of TiP, as you sadly couldn't make it this year. May you forever be here in spirit, and not get any more concussions or eat too many gummy bears to drive you crazy. KC! To Hans Singh, I leave one thousand years to sing and laugh forever, in joy and sadness both together. To Nick Chrisdoferson, I leave one deck of cards to amuse both yourself and dumbfounded passerby, and wifi in your room. To Gaston Sanders, I leave time to lay out on the dock and just talk, a game of sandman on your porch, and one more game of beach soccer with me and Hans. To Gretchen Knaut, I leave bubbles, stickers on water bottles, bleachers to trip on, ant lollipops, Nike socks, and may you always be the queen of bad jokes! To Ellen McMullen, I leave Hostess donnettes, morning runs, innuendos everywhere, ear-popping, and country music. To Sean Murphy, I leave my pink shirt, sorrowful selfies, mean girls, and a harem (if you know what I mean). To Sophie Dreslinski, I leave an obscenely large bag of jolly ranchers, jean shorts, an inhaler to save yourself from laughing, Saunter 5 ever, and someone that's not me to be there and save you from choking on candy. To Megan Lange, I leave you songs to learn on saxophone, titanic, and words I don't understand. To Sarah Tritt, I leave murder in the dark. To Maggie Steiner, I leave sentimental midnight discussions, and getting caught in the act. To Bennett Yee, I leave crooked socks, and the ability to swallow to the last drop. To Sarah Leonardis, I leave BRO! BRO! BRO! BRO! BRAHHHHHH! and a chest bump. To Caroline Hall, I leave the innumerable cookies I've taken, and cute boys to glance at from a distance. To Jamie Harris, I leave food. Lots and lots of food. Also the perfect murder plot, and plenty of leggings to stay lazy. To my Primate Biology 2014 Class, may every one of you beautiful people forever be #ProPelvis, and know to not eat too much candy. To Erin's RAG, I leave dinosaur noises, crescent moons, the awkward third whale, turtles, flatworms, being too 'flirtatious', and all my food. May you all never forget TiP and the many unforgettable experiences you have had here, and the ones we had together. For all that aren't mentioned in my will, long live TiP and keep the traditions alive! <3
I, Ellen McMullen, of 'pretty sure' mind and clumsy body do hereby bequeath the following items to the following persons. To Gretchen, I leave goat oriented evolution, my love of country music, plenty of pro-pelvis propaganda, a swamp, and also melanin (you need it). To Nell, I leave shirtless World Cup soccer players, some water (you know what it's for), your thirteenth secret lover, that one really shiny rock in the archway, and all the food of yours I ate this term. To Sean, I leave agonistic behaviors, band aids, my sparkliest nail polish, and a certificate of fluency in white girl lingo. To Sophie, I leave Sonter5ever, ant-infested lollipops, the generosity to give me all your pants (preferably a few sizes up), and a legally-obtained spirit animal. To Bennett, I leave pronunciation skills, and TiPropriate forms of stress relief. To the rest of primate bio, I leave my mad selfie game, many giggles, Disney sing-alongs, and my seductive cookie-eating skills. To Alyson, I "lob" a first dance and a cure for saltiness. To Jamie, I leave food. To Caroline, I leave STDs and cookies. To my roomie Megan, I leave a first dance, a giant trophy, (you deserved one) and a bug-free dorm. To Sarah, I leave a non-possessed roommate, and many congratulations for surviving three weeks with Gretchen. To the rest of my fabulous RAG, I leave pickup lines, turtle and flatworm videos, crescent moons, and many more group rants. To Tom and Alex S., I leave a fourth year. To Alex K., I leave no other lovers and frontal hugs. I also leave the Alexes an order to FaceTime me regularly. Finally, to my returning term two princesses and friends, I leave the time of y'all's lives <3
I, Keely Meloche, of majestic mind and bodacious body leave Taylor the ability to hold in farts, my fourth year, and all the memories it has held. Without her, I would totally be forced to socialize with others. I love you girl. To Sydney, I leave my memories of nights spent in second year closets talking about Ricky and first kisses. To Jared, I leave my second year and my first kiss. To Travis, I leave blunt texts. To Scott, I leave everything illegal. To Sarah, I leave Andrew #1 To Autumn, I leave my tears and old Oreos. To Chrissy, I leave hot Asians. To Nyssa, I leave all my third year memories. To Neuroscience, I leave my endless giggles and tru blu. To Charlie, I leave laughter. To Camp, I leave flirty waves on the quad. To My Rag, I leave eaten grandma cookies. To Jordan, I leave bro tanks, preppiness, and sweet comfort. To Jamie, I leave anuk. To AB, I leave uninterrupted make out sessions with Sasha. To fahim, I leave my second dance. To Aaron, I leave my first dance. To Caroline, I leave eaten grandma cookies. To Olivia, I leave an ugly singing voice and two left feet. To Alyson, I leave four years together at tip. To sadhanna, I leave all the cuteness in the world, not that she needs any. To sirisha, I leave my unhealthy food and love. To mirah, I leave a long lasting relationship with anuk. To anuk, I leave a Wikipedia less world and boy smells. To meiling, I leave the ability to scream at the top of ones lungs. To gabi, I leave multiple places to hide dead bodies. To Ritu, I leave Josiah. To Chrissy, I leave hot Asians, and much missed dancing. To Nyssa, I leave third year memories, because she shared every one of them with me. To sonali, I leave closed doors and balconies. To Devin, I leave a plastic box to sleep in , because she is a Barbie. To Sammy I leave self confidence and her beauty. To Meghana, I leave cute outfits and the ability to smell like a girl. To still man, I leave my endless giggles and tru blu. To camp, I leave flirty waves on the quad and the ability to be a gentleman. To Edward, I leave the color yellow. To teddy, I leave nicknames and endless fun. To Daniel, I leave ritus dresses. To Mitul, I leave coins. To Jordan, I leave bro tanks, preppiness, and sweet comfort. To chase, I leave smiles and friendly waves. To Emily, I leave the explicit versions of songs, to escape the Bible Belt. To lily, I leave sperrys and socks, and second year smiles. To Ariel, I leave a proud relationTIp. To Kenny, I leave last minute kisses. To kent, I leave elizabeth Duclaux To wolf, I leave friendly compliments To Conner, I leave food, cuz you too skinny To Evan, I leave you no ideas To Micheal, I leave him undecided feelings, beanie less outfits, and shorts. To Andrew, I leave my ice filled water bottle, and headache medicine. To ellen, I leave mermaid hair and morning runs. To Gretchen, I leave self tanner. To Sarah Tritt, I leave murderous looks. To will I leave Sydney and resemblance to his younger sister. To Zac I leave trouble filled times. To Robert, I leave my green Nike shorts and lighters with aerosol sunscreen. To Cathy, I leave talks about constipation. To James, I leave high heels, snap backs, and justin bieber hair. To Nell, I leave black Nike socks, and reciprocal feelings for all her lovers. To Megan, I leave frikkin geniusness and the ability to achieve wonders. With all my love ❤️
I, Ritu Sachdeva, of obscure mind and slurping body, hereby bequeath the following to: Alyson, unlimited feminist rants and my eternal love; Autumn, cucumbers, Kanye jam sessions, and all of my slurps; Sarah K., rings for her marriage and shower sneezes; Sarah L., unlimited face washes, bees, and boy talks; Meghana, water and swag to the max; Jordan, proper undergarments and jam sessions; Bennett, a name tag and a batman suit; Sonali, Mitul and sleepovers; Mitul, Sonali and body armor; Stone, something that rocks; Michael, beanie babies so you aren't lonely; Olivia, my mad skills at being a boy; Chase, my acting skills; Keely, giggling sessions and B.J.; Taylor, black clothing and a red ruffed lemur; Chrissy, joint custody of our boo; Jared, Keely and my unbreakable strength; Dylan, all slow dances and a cool watch; Sean, nail polish; Travis, my frisbee skills; Maggie, turtles forever, neurosciene, half of a catnap TRU blu; Kanise's RAG, Chinese food and one thing to name; Kanise, boy talks and flowers; Josiah, I leave my heart; To past, present, and future TiP, I leave my love and soul.
I, Sarah Ruth Kinney, of elusive mind and slam-dancing body, do hereby bequeath the following: to Ritu, Josiah and one of me and Andrew's babies to adopt; to Sonali, Mitul, a sleepover, brownies, and a threat for any guy who crosses the line; to Mitul, Sonali, LIES, and a death threat; to Michael, an actual stuffed beanie baby; to Twoui, upward mobility, a secret handshake, and a red tie; to Taylor, that photo of you from third year and The Second Andrew (I feel like I should change this but… nahh); to Stone, nipple blades; to Remy, my eternal love; to John Swift, Luke Chval; to Jordan, a sing-a-long and a single mom; to Bennett, a bow; to Chrissy, my garage code; to Cathy, an invite to my wedding; to my Forensic Anthro class, Corn Baby; to Kanise, a dance party and a TIPsync win; to Bun, Jaylen; to Eric, a compass; to Alyson, Ho Hey; to Caroline, IGGY; to Sarah L., JFK; to Meghana, a Mulan sing-a-long; to Katy, cheese puffs; to Olivia, Chase; to Chase, Olivia; to Autumn, a fweposal, non-latex condoms, Josh, a picture of me not without you, hatred from first year, a mascara stain, sleepovers, love, and words that will never be enough; to all of the fourth years, My Heart Will Go On. Furthermore, I wish to dedicate a section to TIPsters Past, who were not able to join me this term, either due to age or circumstance. I hereby bequeath the following: to Max, the last verse of American Pie and a dragon; to Ava, a fluppy, those plush emoticon things, amazing memories, Sleigh Bells, and Danny; to Michael, Missouri, a Pembroke Hill sweatshirt, that shirt Jonah Hill wore in 21 Jump Street, a locopop, and a new pair of Sperries; to Cole, a carabiner, Texas, Google+, and the gold lion (jk I'm keeping it); to Josh, Autumn Hinze; to Andrew One, my heart, my everything, my past, present, and future.
I, Sonali Mehta, being of corrupted mind and brown body hereby bequeath the following to those I have loved dearly over the past four years. To Chrissy, two years on Grellow, two missed TiP sync victories, two years of being best friends; to my RAG, the best dance theme that ever was and endless Roman puns; to autumn, any and every Boyz to Men solo; to Sarah Kinney, any of the amazing brownies you have left because I didn't steal them from you; to Ritu, all of the slurps; To Tanya, silver sparkly duck tape and being North; to Maddie, ketchup bottles and VJJ; To Meghana, eye roll game; to Keely, any dance ability I have left and thumper; to Olivia, both sticky and unevenly tanned thighs as well as the ability to beat up my boyfriend when he fake cheats on me; to Alyson, my ginger best friend and all the smiles at TAMS; to Maggie, long lines at ABP; to Nyssa, the ability to be gorgeous and the best cross dresser at the same time; to Michela, memories of three great TiP syncs; to that special someone, Josiah; to Mitul, I'd give you my heart, but you already stole it so I;ll leave you the butterflies I get in my stomach when you look at me instead; to Chase, eating bananas and staring into spacee; to Jordan, endless interrupting sing-a-longs, third wheeling, and way too difficult card games; to D-Money Dillan, turning down for hwat; to Bennett, the knowledge of how to eat yogurt with granola; to Michael, the little swing dancing skill I have; to Scott, paintings of birds and narwhals; to Sean, being the best TiP sync choreographer; to Stone, all of the cards, humane or otherwise; to Wesley, findyouradonis.com; to Social Psychology, I beseech you to search for the answer to the question, "What is a 3?" and to always remember that I'm your weirdo as you are mine; to Eguono, a shoulder tattoo and the gift of punctuality to VJJ, my address so you can ship me cool food from you hometown; to Nancy, bubble wrap and melted chocolate; to Isaac, knowledge of how to draw David Beckham; to Stephanie/Bunny/My daughter, happiness and bubbles and all the sass and the Hershey's Kiss tradition; to Chris/my male model husband, our wedding in March; to Parker, my debating skills and belief in cereal suffrage; to Emily, ENFP theme songs and pizza and winged eyeliner and Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetics; to Becca, being the most feminist person with the best sense of style in every class; to Lara, all the sass that you don't need from me; to Maria, all the sweet that you don't need from me, and also my ability to appear somewhat sane and serene and also my love of musicals and also pizza; to Evan, making Fergalicious happen at every TiP sync and our beautiful slam poetry; to Kevin, my vegetarianness; to my best friend the caddywhompus, chips and dumdums and Columbia sweatshirts and khaki pants for Sadie Hawkins dances and the fourth year you should've gotten; and finally, to TiP, thank you for giving twelve of the best weeks of my life. I couldn't be more grateful for all the friends I've made and the memories I will treasure for the rest of my life. I love each and every one of you with everything I am and even as the fourth years leave content and complete, I know your hearts will go on.
I, Maddie hertz, of twisted mind and promiscuous body do bequeath the following to these beautiful people. To my wonderful roommate Kestrel, I leave late-night posters, google searches, and JUDY TIME. May she never run into a pole again.To Meghana, I leave eternal sass and ring-free slapjack. To Evan, I give my poi skills. To Tanya, I leave the love of Orphan Black and ten-year-old Indian boys. To Lindsey, I give mint-scented roses and big spray. To Chrissy, I leave an awesome fashion sense no matter the season. To my lovely former roommate Sonali, I leave our old room and all of the fun that we've had and eternal happiness. I leave Nyssa, someone I love so much, ketchup, a cello, and the world. But it's okay because nothing will ever be enough for her. I also give her the art of passive-aggressiveness and barriers made of condiments. I give Sarah Leonardis eternal heckaroos. I leave Ritu and Sarah wild and impeccable senses of humor. To Autumn I bestow late night conversations. I leave Katie millions of time-consuming friendship bracelets and warm showers. To Kanise, I deliver the laughs and hilarity of RAG nights. To Max, I leave insane cello skills that I will never be able to compete with. To Michael, I give snarky comments, sarcastic banter and warm laughs. To Emma Jane, I leave my HAT SnapBack and tickles, and the secrets of the universe. To Scott, I give an endless supply of smoked salmon.
To my wonderful classmates, I leave the knowledge of what a three means. To Maria, I leave long nails and Whoopi Goldberg. To Lara, I give the mysterious art of winking and the skill to knock em' dead. To Becca, I leave crazy stories and a million ways to hold hands. To Emily, I give the cure to hyperventilation, hoping she never takes it because she's perfect already. To Isaac, I leave the sense of personal space.to Parker, I give oh my gods and fluffy hair. I give Mitul a lifetime supply of power tools and serious frisbee skills. To Dylan, I give extra smelly farts. To Stephanie, my little bunny and mini-me, I give the meat to her sandwich and a host of other amazingly smooth lines.
I, as the creator and founder of the cult, VJJ, I have a host of things to bestow upon you my lovely ladies. I bestow upon you perfect human beings the ability to juggle. I give you my eternal love and friendship. I give you hand-holding, pancaking, bacon ing, and everything in-between. I hand down you our sacred tree and all of the memories of how we started. I deliver to you the hope that you will continue what I started to create a beautiful tradition. I give you all the love I can possibly give you, and even more.
I leave everybody mounds and mounds of stolen ketchup bottles and the knowledge that they, whether I got to know them or not, made an important impact on my life here a TIP. To TIP itself, I give a piece of my heart and a host of my memories. Though I will leave TIP, it will never leave me.
I, Sarah Kathryn Leonardis, of radical mind and funky fresh body, hereby bequeath: to the Penn Pavillion staff, a dodecagon of applause for the improvement in food as compared to the Dining Hall. To the sports campers, deodorant and wet wipes. Ya nasty. To the construction crew, quieter power tools, and to returning TIPsters, earplugs. To the O.G. KChew, I leave you the decomposing body I find while walking through the woods. JDog, I leave you my vomer and one question: what kind of saw would I use for that? Gabby, I leave you a femur (use wisely, but also go crazy, bae). Jason, I leave you a t-shirt with "you do you" printed on the back. To Ale, a cowboy hat. To my entire Forensic Anthro class, I hope you have a lifetime of happiness greater than the emotions Bill Bass feels towards a pickled hand. Kanise, the ultimate bae, I would like you to have a handmade popsicle box and an invitation to be a flowergirl at my wedding. Maddie, I leave you all my origami. To Tanya, a book entitled, "The Techniques of Crabwalking: 101," and an illuminati symbol. To Kestrel, I leave an icepack in case of any more pole accidentss. To Jamie, athletic shorts and a sarcasm translator. Nell, I leave you boxes of caprisuns. To Gretchen, I leave you a closet filled with togas. To Bryan, elements and dragons. To Isaac, something. To Evan, numerous high fives. To Sarah Kinney, I leave John F. Kennedy. Autumn, I leave you blank CD's to make BoyzIIMen mix compilations along with batches of cookies. To Ritu, my favorite roommate, I leave you too many hugs, bees, and girl, you do you, boo. Finally, I leave cute patterned shorts, a new patella, a dirt-free knee brace, a collection of bone pick up lines, a Russian racehorse, bulk packages of sriracha and tofu, and a huge thank you for sticking with me on this journey for 3 full years (my journey at TIP would not be the same would not be the same without you by my side every year), to Caroline.
I, Stone Chen, of horrible mind and fabulous body, bequeath to Bennett BATMAN!!! and the hardworking Mexican, to Mitul my collection of high-tech sex toys, to Olivia German dungeon porn, to Sonali tentacle porn, to Ritu Josiah and an event where you wake up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot, to Charlie 50,000 volts straight to the nipples, to Taylor 8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin and crystal meth, to Evan same-sex ice dancing, to Wolfgang flying sex snakes, to Keely white people, brown people, black people, the Jews, the gays, and BaJon, to Sarah K. mouth herpes and full frontal nudity, to Autumn tasteful sideboob, to Scott a Super Soaker full of cat pee, to Travis a homoerotic volleyball montage, to Michael the power to be a motherfucking sorcerer, to Crissie Josiah and a day of getting naked and watching Nickelodeon, to Jordan an erection that lasts longer than four hours, to Quintin nipple blades, to Sasha (Alexander) the wrath of Vladimir Putin, to Andrew (2.0) an icepick lobotomy, to Max a disappointing birthday party, to Jared racially-biased SAT questions, to Fahim a home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine, to Mason smallpox blankets, to Conner the power to jerk off into a pool of children’s tears, to Maggie a micropig with a tiny raincoat and booties, to Alyson Harry Potter erotica, to Jason bitches, to Chase a sad handjob, to Steven an Asian who isn’t good at math, to David Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum, to Josiah a defective condom, to Maddie passable transvestites, to Zach and Dylan the power to conceal a boner, to Lindsay and Emma Jane a can of whoop-ass, to Lindsey advice from a wise, old black man, to Jenn children on leashes, to Ariana one trillion dollars, to future TIPsters my soul, to past TIPsters sunshine and rainbows, to my class of Forensic Sciences a murder most foul, and finally, to all related to TIP Term 1 2014 at Duke University West Campus Cards Against Humanity.
I, Bennett Eckert, of awesome mind and awesome body, bequeath the following: to Sean, Goldfish and credit for the beautiful ‘My Heart Will Go On’ TiPsync; to Mitul, the title of Munchkin champion; to Jordan, oranges; to Eric, beef fried rice; to Wesley, a giant tank of propan€, to Barry (DJ Bearclaw), the locomotive of allure; to Alyson, my hat; to Ritu, a picture of me; to Chase and Olivia, an iceberg; to Dylan, DONKEY and credit for the ‘Every Time We Touch’ dance; to Zach, my light-up ring and ‘The Breakfast Club’; to Daniel, Attack on Titan; to Adam, even deeper voice; to Bryan, a T button; to Colin, a whale; to Jacob, a haircut; to Scott, a sandfish; to Stone, all of the cards; to Tanya, George Clooney; to Kestrel, Sandra Bullock; to Sarah, a Batman bow; to Autumn, a scientist; to Maggie, insurance from Alyson stealing things; to Chrissy, a straightener that works on wet hair; to Sonali, a hammer; to Lindsey, syrup (see-rup), Ratuki, rollerblades, and a trip to the roof long enough to actually watch the sun rise; to all of my friends, all of the Batman swagger and apparel you lack; to Barry’s Kings of the World, my heart will go on and so will yours, but remember to never let go; to TIP, thanks for nine great weeks—I leave with no regrets and wouldn’t be who I was without this experience.
I, Sean Murphy, of wandering mind and late body, do hereby bequeath the following items to the following persons. To Jordan Couceyro and Mitul Patel I leave the Heart of the Ocean, in hopes that they never let go. To Ellen McMullen, Gretchen Knaut, and Nell Sandring-Wesemann I LEEVZ. To Corey Pahel-Short and Megan Lange I leave late night emotional support sessions and saxophone on the porch. To Jacob Leuthold I leave a clean room. To Evan I leave notes under the door. To Patrick Glover I leave a hollowed-out watermelon. To Daniel Keisel I leave a new pair of glasses. To Mitul Patel and Sonali Mehta I leave a slap and a hug for "breaking up" and being adorable, respectively. To Primate Biology I leave #propelvis and Mister Steal Yo' Primate. To my RAG I leave the locomotive of eroticism and my bewilderment and gratitude at their ability and willingness to learn choreography, and a promise to never let go. To Eric Lund I leave tofu fried rice. To Izzy Lloyd I leave a fast car. To Katie Little and Hannah McShea I leave the clean version of Rack City and unsuccessful endeavors in fermentation. To Marine Biology: Near Shores and Oceans I leave Geoffery the fly. To Tremain Holloway and D-Tool I leave the raggediness of one thousand men. To my fellow fourth years, I leave the sunrise of June 28, 2014. To Ritu Sachdeva I leave nail polish and hugs. To Bennett Eckert I leave miscellaneous non-Batman apparel, copious amounts of cats, and a Wishing Ring, because I don't have anything better in my hand. To Mitul Patel I leave my pink tie. To Jordan Couceyro I leave wasabi peas, the title of "sexy caboose", my extensive knowledge of dressing in women's clothing, and tasteful Axe. To Ellen McMullen I leave decaf, salad, and snow. To Gretchen Knaut I leave the correct pronunciation of "beg", baggy shorts, and enough fireflies to last until we meet again. To Nell Sandring-Wesemann I leave everything else. Soccer, dancing, the good, the bad. The time we shared together. The time we didn't. I am me because of TiP. It helped me to grow up and come out. I've made bonds here in three weeks that will last for a lifetime. You all mean so much to me, and I don't know where I'd be without you.