The History

"Two Seals" is, by far, the funniest joke that ever existed. At its utterance, anyone within hearing distance will involuntarily burst into guffaws, and no Duke East comedian's repertoire is complete without it. It's a classic TIP tradition, and of equal merit as WaSW or Blister in the Sun.

At the 2004 Term II Talent Show, numerous fourth years recited it at the podium in different languages in between acts, retaining the English words "Crisco" and "typewriter" (see below) for better recognition and hilarity. They increased in intelligibility towards the end of the show, culminating in Spanish, Pig Latin, and at the very end, English.

Since then numerous other TiPsters have made an effort to translate Two Seals into other languages, including Latin, Icelandic, Danish, and even Quenya (the "high-elven" language created by J.R.R. Tolkien).

As of late, the joke has been frequently told by former-TA, current-APA, and general all around TIP staffer extraordinaire Will Harris. It seems that in his capacity as the go-to emcee for any event that needs emceeing, Will has decided that any length of silence greater than 10 seconds should be filled with the Two Seals joke. Similarly, if more filler is needed, Will is known to voice his logic for why ninjas are superior to pirates.

The Original

Two seals are sitting in a bathtub full of waaaaarm Crisco. One seal turns to the other and says "Hey, can you pass the soap?" to which the other replies, "what do I look like, a TYPEWRITER?"

Translations

French

Si, il y avait deux phoques, assis dans un baignoire de Crisco chaud. Un phoque a dit à l'autre, «Hé, pourriez-vous me donner du savon?» Dont l'autre phoque a répondu, «Qu'est-ce que je me semble? Une machine à écrire??»

Icelandic

Tveir selir sitja saman í heitu baði un Crisco. Annar selurinn segir við hinn “Hey, geturðu rétt mér sápuna?” þá segir hinn selurinn, “lít ég út fyrir að vera typewriter?”

Quenya

Ela! Eär atta ëarrávi, hárala pityanendessë lauca... Crisco. I minya earrá quet' i tatyanna: "É! Ma antuvalye nin i lipsa?" I tatya quetë: "Ma nye-cénal tambë nan typewriter?!?"

Orkish (black speech)

two ukealuk ayh ukiavavaumn shal ij baavhavub full ro warm criukco. ni ukayuk avo avhe oavhas "pleauke paukuk avhe ukoap". ve nalkrulji, ve nalkrulji, avhe oavhas nauk-plieuk "whaav do jiak look like, ij typewriter?"

Spanish

Hay dos focas que se sientan en una bañera llena de WAAAAAAARM (caliente) Crisco. Un foca se convierte en el otro y dice: "Hey. ¿Podría pasar el jabón?" para que el otro responde: "¿Qué me parezco, una máquina de escribir?"

German

So, es gibt zwei Seeloewen, und sie setzen in eine Badewanne gefuellt von warmes Crisco. Und ein Seeloewe sagt zum Andere, ,,Kannst du die Seife ubergeben?" Und der andere sagt, ,,Wie sehe ich aus, ein Typewriter?!"

Chinese

两只海豹坐在一个放满了暖和的 Crisco 的浴缸里。 一只海豹转向另一只而说，“嗨，你能给我肥皂吗？” 第二只海豹回，“我看得像什么，一个typewriter？”

Japanese

2つのシールはwaaaaarmクリスコの完全な浴槽に座っている。一つのシールは、他に変わり、"ねえ、あなたが石けんを渡すことができますか？"と言うこれに他の返信は、"何を私がタイプライターのように見えますか？"

Hebrew

שני כלבי ים יושבים באמבטיה מלאת waaaaarm קריסקו. אחת חותם פונה אל אחרים ואומר "היי, אתה יכול להעביר את הסבון?" שאליו תגובות אחרות, "מה אני נראה, מכונת כתיבה?"

Hindi

दो जवानों वा से भरा एक बाथटब में बैठे हैं आरएम Crisco. एक सील दूसरे से बदल जाता है और कहते हैं, "अरे, आप साबुन पारित कर सकते हैं?" जो करने के लिए अन्य जवाब है, "क्या करते हैं मैं, जैसे एक टाइपराइटर दिखेगा?

Gujrati

બે સીલ ગરમ Crisco સંપૂર્ણ બાથટબ બેઠક છે. એક સીલ જે અન્ય જવાબો માટે "તમે મને સાબુ પસાર કરી શકો છો", અન્ય કહે છે, "હું જેવી ટાઇપરાઇટર શું જુઓ છો?"

Klingon

(Rough) cha' seals 'oH ba' Daq qa bathtub teblu'ta' vo' nargh Crisco wa' seal tlhe' Daq latlh 'ej jatlhtaH laH SoH juS the soap Daq nuq the latlh replies nuq ta' jIH legh rur qa TYPEWRITER?

ERMAHGERD

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Latin

Duo signacula sedent in plena balneus waaaaarm Crisco. Dicit unus et alter convertitur ad sigillum, "Hey, te potest transire per saponem?" alius ad quem, inquam, "Quid est, tamquam a Notario"

Circular Gallifreyan

Lojban

.i lo re pinpedi cu zutse lo lumpatxu noi culno lo mliiiiigla me la .krisko. .i pa lo pinpedi cu carcra lo drata pinpedi gi'e cusku lu ju'i .i xu do kakne lo nu dunda lo zbabu mi li'u .i py. spusku lu ma se smimlu mi .i xu ba'e ximlerci'aca'a li'u

Arabic

اثنين من الفقمة يجلسون في حوض الاستحمام المليئ من كريسكو الدااافئة. فقمة واحدة قالت إلى الثانية، "يا، يمكنك تمرير الصابون؟" و ردت الأخرى ب، "وش تشوفني، آلة كاتبة؟"

When searching for it on the Internet

(typing in 2 seals sitting in a bathtub full of warm crisco)

Google

Bing

('Yahoo!' has same images as 'Bing')

Yandex